Parents Angered When Child Chooses Travel Over Repaying $6,000 Debt

A Redditor has been criticized after sharing their reasons for traveling without paying back their parents $6,000 in loans.

Money and family often don’t mix well, and many attempt to avoid ever relying on family for finances as an adult.

However, one Reddit user created a stir when asking if they were in the wrong for traveling after borrowing $6,000 from their family.

The user said they originally borrowed the $6,000 to buy a car in cash with the agreement that they’d pay their parents $150 each month until the full amount was paid.

“I paid off a thousand but was struggling for money last summer and my parents offered me to put off the repayments until I get a proper wage,” the Reddit user wrote. “Now I’m set to start a decently paid job where almost all of my wage is disposable and I get lots of time off.”

Since their monthly wages are less than what they owe, the parents and adult child agreed on a payment of $400 a month.

“If I can pay more some months, I will,” they said. “This means that they will get the money one year earlier than originally agreed.”

All seemed well until the Redditor shared their traveling dilemma.

“Now in my time off I’ve little responsibilities and want to travel,” they wrote. “I can get some flights through my company so it’s much cheaper than usual. But my parents are insisting that I don’t travel and have stated how angry they will be if I do. I still intend to travel, as I won’t be relying on my parents at this point but I still want to know if I’m being an a**hole here?”

The consensus from the rest of the Reddit community was relatively clear.

“YTA,” one user commented. “Always pay your debts. You never know when you may need help again some day so don’t burn your bridges.”

Another questioned the original poster’s social awareness for even asking the question in the first place.

“Pay them back before you start your fun life. It’ll be there waiting for you. Your Lack of social awareness is amazing,” they wrote.

Some, however, said the situation showed why money and family often don’t mix well together.

“This isn’t about money or debt or responsibilities, it’s about control,” one user said. “And this is a really good reason not to lend to/borrow from family.”

Therapists held more nuanced views about the family situation as well as people who spend their money on fun before paying back a loan.

“The mentality that the parents hold, a version of ‘you’re not allowed to enjoy life or have fun until you’re debt-free,’ is a very old-school mentality in the world of personal finance,” Lindsay Bryan-Podvin, a financial therapist and founder of Mind Money Balance, told Newsweek.

While the mentality also persists in the United States, a black and white approach to money often doesn’t work, Bryan-Podvin said.

“It’s much better to have a balanced approach to money, including enjoying your life while you are paying off debt,” Bryan-Podvin said. “In this case, the writer is paying their debt back and meeting the agreed-upon terms.”

Since the poster is meeting and exceeding their loan terms, Bryan-Podvin felt the family was actually in the wrong.

“If the writer was making their $400 per month car payment to a bank or credit union and taking a vacation, I doubt the commenters on Reddit would be shaming them as heavily,” Bryan-Podvin said. “The reason this feels a-hole adjacent is because there is family involved.”

Still, when getting family or friends involved in money, it’s imperative all parties fully understand the terms and have an agreed-upon signed contract, she added.

“This is a learning lesson for both parties,” Bryan-Podvin said. “They can and should take a vacation. To soften the blow to the parents, they might add more money to the loan payment in the next couple of months.”

Others, like Alex Beene, financial literacy instructor for the state of Tennessee, said the family’s concerns were valid.

“Financially, you’re in the wrong if you’re doing non-essential travel before paying your debts to family or any other entity,” Beene told Newsweek. “You can make any excuse you want to attempt to justify it, but unless the travel involves the health and safety of you or your immediate family, it doesn’t need to happen.”

Generally speaking, Beene said he advises people “in the hole financially” to not post about their trips online because it can create issues down the line.

“Regardless of whether the reason is justified or not, people you owe money to who see you living it up at some other destination are going to second guess not just your financial need for the loan they gave you but also perhaps ask deeper questions of your love and commitment to them,” Beene said. “It’s a path you don’t want to go down.”

Michael Ryan, a finance expert and the founder of michaelryanmoney.com, said you should always ask yourself why you’re borrowing money from a friend or family member in the first place.

“Usually the answer is because you have no other choice,” Ryan told Newsweek. “You may be ineligible for a traditional loan, or credit cards are not a viable solution. In simple terms, people are desperate and the family feels obligated to help them out. And from my personal and professional experience, it almost never ends well.”

Everyone believes their situation is different, Ryan said, but borrowers often have unforeseen situations pop up and the lender attempts to exert too much control.

“The communication is missing since they are family and it won’t happen to them, or the borrower is just habitually taking advantage of a helpful friend or family member,” Ryan said.