You’ve likely seen the headlines about looming job cuts, which are leading to 70% of US workers to proactively prepare for the potential layoffs, according to a recent survey. And while it’s obvious that losing your job can be stressful, what you may not realize is that job loss is ranked as one of life’s most challenging experiences, so much so that some studies report losing a job can be more stressful than getting a divorce or even receiving a long-term illness diagnosis.
Beyond the financial impact of getting laid off, it can take a serious toll on emotional health, self-worth, and even personal relationships. For those who’ve experienced a recent layoff, it’ll come as no surprise that it can affect your relationship—what is less talked about is that job loss is linked to increased rates of divorce. This correlation is complex to say the least and involves a mix of financial, emotional, and identity-related factors that create strain on a relationship, often in ways that may act as a knock-out blow to your marriage, partnership, or romantic relationship.
For women, who juggle multiple responsibilities and face societal expectations around being a source of nurturing-stability, the impact of job loss can be feel even more intense. The last thing you want to after you’ve lost your job is to lose your support system too, so let’s break down why it feels so apocalyptic when you get axed and what you can do to safeguard your marriage, or partnership, in the wake of its wrath.
1. Job loss can be more long-term than divorce
While experiencing the end of a marriage is incredibly difficult, studies have shown that individuals tend to eventually return to their previous level of well-being after such event. If you really think about it, divorce often provides some level of closure, allowing those involved to eventually heal and move on. However, the emotional and psychological impact of losing your job may linger inevitability, and can feel even more overwhelming if you’re in a specialized field or had a high-level role, which on average have fewer opportunities and take significantly longer to replace.
The uncertainty around job loss is what makes it so hard for couples to deal with. It can create a prolonged period of feeling “stuckness,” with no clear end in sight. So, unlike a breakup or divorce, where you may regain a sense of autonomy and direction, the helplessness that can come from searching for a new job creates an ongoing sense of instability. It’s that uncertainty which causes tension and could lead to the employed partner resenting the unemployed partner for not contributing financially—which could trigger feelings of worthlessness or failure, adding further strain on the relationship.
Action Step to Manage Stress and Strain
Set Realistic Expectations Together: Sit down with your partner to discuss a plan. Setting realistic expectations around the job search timeline, budget adjustments, and how to support each other can alleviate the anxiety of uncertainty. Aligning your expectations will help you both navigate this period without placing undue pressure on your relationship.
2. Job Loss Can Lead to Financial Insecurity
One of the most obvious effects of losing a job is the financial strain that comes with it, and the loss of one income can lead to an immediate sense of imbalance. When bills pile up and expenses outweigh income, a scarcity mindset can lead to arguments, resentment, and fear. Then, once that financial foundation begins to crack, it’s easy for both partners to start blaming one another and when that happens, you’re no longer trying to solve the problem as a team, but rather turning on one another and intensifying the tension and panic.
It may be no surprise then that debt and financial stress are of the most cited reasons for divorce, with research finding that 54% of people believe them to be valid to consider divorce—and job loss can amplify it tenfold. The pressure to “make ends meet” can quickly turn into tension and conflict, with both partners feeling unsupported or misunderstood.
Action Step to Manage Stress and Strain
Create a New Financial Plan Together: Review your finances and create a new budget that reflects your current reality. Openly discussing finances can help prevent misunderstandings and resentment. This also allows you both to find ways to cut costs and avoid debt, reducing financial stress and strengthening your bond. If you have a financial advisor/planner, it’s a great idea to get with them and get a true understanding on if there’s any immediate need to panic, or if you have some time before you need avoid Amazon and Target like the plague.
3. Job Loss Can Impact Your Sense of Self
A job is much more than a paycheck—it often provides a sense of identity, self-worth, and purpose. For many, career success is closely tied to feelings of confidence, respect, and stability. When you lose your job, you may feel like you’ve lost an essential part of yourself. This is especially true in our society which places such a high value on productivity and professional achievement.
For women, whose identities are often interwoven with various roles—professional, caregiver, partner—job loss can feel like a personal failure, even if the circumstances were beyond their control. The loss of a job can trigger deep emotional responses, including shame, anxiety, and depression, all of which can negatively affect relationships. Some signs you might be struggling include becoming withdrawn, irritable, or overly dependent on your partner for validation. The resulting emotional strain can create distance, making it harder for your partner to connect with you. Over time, the disconnect can widen, leading to feelings of isolation and dissatisfaction for both partners.
Action Steps to Manage Stress and Strain
Reconnect with Your Identity Outside of Work: To preserve your sense of self-worth, invest time in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment outside of your career. Whether it’s taking up a hobby, volunteering, or spending time with friends, these pursuits can help you maintain a sense of identity and purpose, reducing the emotional toll of job loss.
Communicate Openly with Your Partner: Share your feelings about the job loss with your partner, including any fears or insecurities you have. Being vulnerable can foster empathy and understanding, helping to maintain emotional intimacy and ensuring your partner knows how to support you.
Factors That Can Help Reduce the Stress of Job Loss
While losing your job can feel like a crisis, certain factors can help alleviate the stress and mitigate the risk of damaging your relationship. Understanding what might help can be the key to surviving this challenging period together.
Support from Family and Friends: Having a strong support network can make a significant difference and leaning on them can help reduce the pressure on your relationship by not relying solely on your partner for comfort.
Living in an Area with High Unemployment: This may sound counterintuitive, but if unemployment is high in your area, it can normalize your experience and reduce feelings of shame or inadequacy. The shared experience can help you feel less isolated and reassure both you and your partner that the situation is not a reflection of your abilities or worth.
Having an Extroverted Personality: Extroverted individuals tend to reach out for help and support more readily, which can be a crucial asset when dealing with job loss. If you’re naturally inclined to seek out social connections, it can help you stay positive and motivated. For those who are more introverted, making an intentional effort to connect with others can provide similar benefits.
Protecting Your Relationship During Job Loss
The loss of a job is undoubtedly a significant stressor, but it doesn’t have to lead to the end of your relationship. By being proactive, communicating openly, and making decisions together, you and your partner can navigate this difficult time as a team. Remember, your worth is not determined by your employment status, and your relationship can thrive even in the face of financial or emotional challenges.