For many families, the college admissions process feels like navigating a high-stakes maze. Parents worry that a missed extracurricular or an imperfect GPA will close doors to opportunity. Yet, the secret to raising not just great applicants and thriving adults isn’t in over-scheduling or résumé-padding—it’s in empowering your student to grow into a resilient, authentic leader.
Rethink Success: From Boxes To Brilliance
Here’s the thing: College admissions officers are human. They aren’t just looking for students who check all the boxes—they’re looking for individuals who inspire them. As highlighted in a recent Atlantic article by David Brooks, elite admissions have shifted over the decades, evolving from a focus on hereditary privilege to the meritocratic ideal that prizes intelligence and achievement. However, Brooks underscores that this meritocratic system has created new challenges, including intensifying pressure on students to craft résumés that fit a narrow definition of success.
This shift in thinking was also evident during a November 17 webinar hosted by Khan Academy Founder Sal Khan, MIT Dean of Admissions Stu Schmill, and Forbes Contributor Brennan Barnard. They discussed how MIT prioritizes qualities like curiosity and collaboration, in addition to their credentials. Schmill emphasized that MIT looks for students who embody intellectual vitality and demonstrate a passion for exploring the unknown—qualities that enrich campus life far beyond test scores and titles.
These insights reflect an evolving approach to college admissions, one that values deeper personal traits over polished résumés. Parents and students alike can reframe the admissions journey as a means of self-discovery: What drives your student? What contributions do they want to make? How does your student’s unique perspective shape the world around them?
What Colleges Really Want
Here’s the transformation: College admissions is not about what your student achieves during high school; it’s about who they become. College admissions officers are captivated by students who own their stories—students who connect the dots between their values, experiences, and dreams.
Help your student find their journey and follow their passions. Is their passion for music rooted in teaching collaboration through a band? Does a knack for coding stem from a desire to build solutions for their community? By being who they are, and diving deeply into fields of interest, they’ll create applications that are both compelling and authentic.
Transformation Starts At Home: 4 Strategies For Parents
Instead of chasing a checklist, guide your student to embrace their individuality. Here’s how:
Unearth Their Passion
What lights up your student? Whether it’s coding apps, performing Shakespeare, or organizing beach clean-ups, lean into their natural interests. Encourage them to dive deep and make an impact. When applying to colleges, students have to show schools not just what they do, but why they do it.
Perhaps your student can turn their love of protecting the environment into a campaign to reduce waste in her community. A love of pets and technology can inspire your student to create an app to match potential owners with rescue cats and dogs. The college application then becomes a story of a young leader using their drives and talents to make the world a better place.
Nurture Curiosity
Research underscores the critical role of curiosity in driving success and lifelong learning. A study published in the journal Perspectives on Psychological Science by Sophie von Stumm, Benedikt Hell, and Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic found that curiosity, alongside intelligence and conscientiousness, is a powerful predictor of academic performance. The authors coined curiosity as a “hunger for exploration,” which enhances learning outcomes and deepens engagement.
Moreover, research in Harvard Business Review highlights that curiosity fosters creativity, innovation, and adaptability—skills colleges and employers increasingly value. Encouraging curiosity in students helps them identify unique academic interests and explore them in depth, making their applications compelling and aligned with their passions.
By fostering a curiosity-driven mindset, parents not only support their child’s intellectual growth but also prepare them to excel in environments where self-directed learning and exploration are celebrated.
True learning is about sparking the imagination. Create a home where questions are celebrated and exploration is encouraged. If your child is intrigued by neuroscience, take them to a museum, introduce them to podcasts on the brain, or experiment with mindfulness techniques together.
Colleges value students who embrace learning with wonder and enthusiasm because those are the individuals who will enrich their campuses. The student’s application will be compelling because they will have identified an academic direction and have plenty of evidence to back up their choice.
Build Emotional Intelligence
Research indicates that emotional intelligence is a significant predictor of academic performance, complementing traditional measures like IQ. A meta-analysis published in Psychological Bulletin found that students with higher EI tend to achieve better grades and standardized test scores. This relationship remains significant even after accounting for personality traits and cognitive intelligence.
Colleges know that grades don’t tell the whole story. Can your child collaborate on a team? Adapt when challenges arise? Teach them to communicate effectively and empathize with others. These skills will serve them not just in the admissions process but in life’s toughest moments.
Encourage activities that foster collaboration, like debate teams, theater productions, or even group community service projects.
Celebrate Failure As Growth
Imagine your child struggling to solve a tough math problem or navigate a friendship conflict. These are golden moments—opportunities for them to learn grit and problem-solving. Guide them to reflect on what went wrong and how to try again, rather than stepping in to fix things for them.
Research by Carol Dweck underscores that individuals with a “growth mindset” view challenges and setbacks as opportunities to learn and improve, fostering resilience and adaptability. This perspective enables students to embrace failure as a natural part of their personal and intellectual growth.
One student I worked with wrote about failing to win a robotics competition—only to create a new project from the lessons learned. That story resonated deeply with admissions officers, illustrating the value of persistence and the capacity to grow through adversity.
The Bigger Picture
At the end of the day, the college admissions process is just one chapter in your student’s life. Your real job as a parent is to help them discover their purpose and prepare them to thrive in an ever-changing world.
By focusing on curiosity, character, and creativity, you’re giving your student the tools to build a meaningful life and a competitive college application.