Do you have the integrity to lead? Better yet, should we follow you? And why? These simple questions—and all the possible answers—reflect one of two things: (1) a foundation of leadership integrity or (2) a lack of it. It comes down to trust and credibility. At its core, leadership comes down to integrity.
Whenever people agree to submit to your leadership, ask for help, receive advice, be challenged and inspired by you or simply agree to follow along, it’s important to understand that they would first do so because they trust you. They’d agree to do so because they believe you have leadership integrity, without which you’d surely fail as a leader.
This phrase ‘to be honest with you’ instantly damages leadership integrity.
There are few phrases that have the ability to instantly cause hesitation like the phrase “to be honest with you.” Here are a few other honorable mentions that cause the same damage for the same reasons.
- In all honesty…
- Frankly…
- To tell you the truth…
- Truthfully or truthfully speaking…
When you casually use a statement like “to be honest with you,” in an effort to ensure that you’re more likely to believed, the exact opposite happens. Instead of trusting you more, listeners trust you less. Instead of following along with your point, your listeners are now distracted and wondering whether you just now got honest or if everything you said prior to this phrase is indeed true.
The phrase causes people to question your leadership integrity.
Instead of sending up green go signals, the phrase “to be honest with you” raises red flags about your leadership integrity in the minds of your listeners, the people with whom you are speaking.
Consider this. When you are communicating and have an attentive audience following along, what do you think happens when they all of a sudden hear you say “to be honest with you” or “to tell you the truth?” What happens in your own mind when you hear someone else use one or more of these phrases?
As I mention in this article about weak leaders, everything that has been said prior to you using the phrase is now in doubt. Everything gets more scrutiny than it did before you used the phrase at all. It’s only natural for listeners to wonder whether or not you were being honest before or if you’re only just now being honest after saying “to be honest with you.”
The phrase (in all its forms) is just useless. Not only does it create unnecessary distractions, it damages your leadership integrity and weakens you in the eyes of those you lead. I recommend you eliminate it—and every version of it—immediately from all of your communications going forward.
Speak confidently and increase trust without damaging leadership integrity.
Without leadership integrity, you’d have a very heavy lift trying to get people to believe in you, to listen to you, to count on you and to give you the benefit of the doubt that leaders so desperately need during times of uncertainty, ambiguity and crisis.
This is why you don’t want to damage your leadership integrity or cause people to question your credibility by throwing out unthoughtful words or phrases that could give them pause.
You can speak confidently and with authority without hedging your bets for honesty. You can also garner more respect by just saying what you need or want to say and letting everyone listening presume that you are indeed telling them the truth. You don’t need to preface what you say with statements that ultimately cause people to doubt the truth about what you say. I recommend you do this instead:
Connect with your audience.
Whether you are speaking with one person or thousands, be sure to connect. Human beings thrive on (and respond positively to) genuine connection. Rather than use distracting phrases that undermine your leadership integrity, do this. Share common experiences, express understanding, ask meaningful questions and allow your audience to ask clarifying questions.
Be vulnerable to the extent possible and show that you are learning and growing along with everyone else. Communicate a message of comradery, and indicate that you will figure things out together.
If you’ve made a mistake, own it.
Instead of saying something like “mistakes were made,” which shows a complete lack of leadership integrity and sends the signal that someone somewhere made a mistake but you take no ownership for it. Go ahead and accept responsibility and show that you are accountable for the mistake and for the resolution as well.
Describe what the mistake was, who was harmed and be very direct about what you and/or your team will do to make things right. If you don’t know what happened or who is responsible, share that you are investigating. The bottom line is let those you lead know how important it is for you to make things right and that you understand and appreciate any harm.
When you communicate authentically and with a sense of purpose, you don’t need to tell people that you are telling them the truth. You don’t need to prove the truth of the matter. When you are demonstrating leadership integrity and connecting with your audience, they sense it. They feel it. They feel you, and they believe you.