“Caring relationships require kindness and patience, tolerance, optimism, joy in the other’s achievements, confidence in oneself, and the ability to give without undue thought of gain.”
That bit of wisdom comes from Fred Rogers. You know, the Fred Rogers of the children’s television series “Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood.”
It’s great counsel for kids. And grown-ups as well.
Mo Bunnell expands on the idea in Give to Grow: Invest in Relationships to Build Your Business and Your Career. Bunnell—host of the Real Relationships, Real Revenue podcast—is founder of the Bunnell Idea Group that has trained tens of thousands of professionals.
For many people in today’s “me” generation, the idea of “giving” may seem a bit foreign. What has Bunnell found to be a good way to help people catch the vision of how a giving orientation is the key to building relationships of trust and win-win collaboration?
“There are a slew of reasons it’s easier to focus on yourself ahead of others,” he says. “In fact, almost every force inside your organization is pushing you to fall in love with yourself and your stuff—your new marketing efforts, your people, your solutions. But there are two key reasons to focus on giving instead. First, giving is the fastest way to build relationships. Second, it’s crucial to winning more and higher-order work, which is essential for your future success. In order to grow, you must intentionally focus on getting great at giving.”
So, what does Bunnell mean when he says “giving”?
“Giving has a broad definition, but simply put, it means the client has an enjoyable experience in every interaction,” he says. “It means they’re always a little better off after talking to you. This leaves you feeling good because everyone will be winning when they’re around you. I like to say, a great deal might make your year, but a great relationship can make your career. That’s why ‘Give to Grow’ is a powerful mindset. When you give, everyone wins!”
Bunnell says clients hate to be sold to, but they love to buy.
“Clients don’t want to feel pressured into making a purchase,” he says. “They want to feel that they’re making their own decisions and that the purchase is genuinely beneficial to them. You don’t have to look far to find sales strategies that feel pushy or manipulative. Many of these approaches focus on getting the deal done as the top priority—getting the contract signed and then moving on to the next one. But if you design the experience so it’s actually a joy, not just for the client but for you, then everything else will follow. You can create a great buying process, one that your clients will love and one that scales. By focusing on building strong relationships, you’ll win more work, and your support unlocks the next level of success.”
Bunnell talks about mindset traps that sabotage people’s professional success, and what seem to be the keys to escaping (or altogether avoiding) those traps.
“Mindset traps can be subtle, often going unnoticed until they’ve already done damage, and they’re powerful because there’s no one to correct them,” he says. “You create a story, believe it, and it becomes a barrier.
He mentions three mindset traps:
- I Can’t Do That: This one can get to anyone. And once this lie is in, it can win. You have to notice it and eradicate it right away. Carol Dweck’s research at Stanford shows you can have a fixed mindset (abilities are unchangeable) or a growth mindset (you can improve) with one little fix. Her advice: when you think, “I’m not good at X,” add “yet” to the end. Reframe your thinking and make a plan to improve.
- I Don’t Know What to Do: This lie basically boils down to “I don’t know what they want,” or “I don’t like what we have.” Luckily the solution is simple, just remember that it’s always your move to be helpful. Engage with others by asking what interests them and how they prefer to communicate. Then follow up with them in a way that deepens relationships and opens new opportunities.
- I Might Do It Wrong: This lie stems from perfectionism and self-reliance, so the solution is straightforward—just ask for help. Start by involving others—colleagues, clients, or Strategic Partners—and seek their advice. Describe your situation and ask, “What would you do if you were me?” People often underestimate how much help they’ll receive.
“Remember, others want to help you,” Bunnell says. “You feel great when you help others, right? Well, others feel great helping you.”
Bunnell says asking good questions plays an important role in building confidence—for both the questioner and the respondent.
“The pleasure center of the brain is powerful,” he says. “It fires up when we’re eating great food, drinking a good cup of coffee, and even when asking questions in the right way. By asking the right questions, you can literally give your client a high. Over time, this shows the client that you’re different and genuinely trying to help.”
Rather than smothering the client with your own talk and a slide-heavy PowerPoint deck, Bunnell suggests a different approach. “Imagine a client meeting where the client passionately talks 80%of the time. Their pleasure center is firing like they just drank a quadruple espresso. And what do they think about you? They feel your care, your effort, and see that you’re different from the other professionals they’ve met. This creates a great experience for them and builds long-term confidence for you.”
Bunnell says that over time, this translates into your feeling more capable in and out of your meetings. “You’ll start winning more work and making your own luck. You’ll create a network of supporters cheering you on and helping you succeed. Things will get easier as you deepen relationships and become more efficient with each move you make.”
His advice on preparation and execution? “Do your research before a meeting and design great questions. Focus on what will create curiosity about you and what will create a high for the client. Then, in the meeting, see what resonates and dig in deep. The client will enjoy the experience, and more importantly, like you.”
Some people find that “the fear of looking bad” affects their ability to progress in their professions. Bunnell offers advice.
“The fear of looking bad preys on our insecurities, sneaking in unnoticed like a tiny weed in a crack of pavement,” he says. “It starts small, almost unnoticeable, but can quickly grow into something that holds us back, just like that weed can eventually move the pavement itself. This fear often stems from a deeper fear of rejection—worrying that we’ll be dismissed, unwanted, or abandoned.”
The truth is, he says, rejection is part of the process. “You won’t always win the work you want, and you won’t always get the response you’re hoping for. Sometimes, you won’t get a response at all, and that’s okay. These experiences are signs that you’re pushing yourself to create value where there wasn’t value before.”
Regardless of their professions, what’s the most important thing people can do to keep progressing in their careers?
“Career growth is directly proportional to how much value you give to clients,” Bunnell says. “Success comes from investing in others’ success, both strategically and consistently. Many professionals focus on what they can get—whether it’s clients, promotions, or recognition—without realizing that true, sustainable growth comes from what you give.”
Bunnell says falling in love with clients’ problems, not just your solutions, is key. “Build long-term relationships, create wins for everyone involved, and always look for ways to give before you receive,” he advises. “When you focus on giving, you naturally attract opportunities, deepen relationships, and create a network of supporters who are invested in your success. In the end, the relationships you build through giving can open doors, create opportunities, and sustain your career in ways that transactional interactions never will. It’s not just about making deals—it’s about making a lasting impact.”