“You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view … until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.”
If you’re a fan of Harper Lee’s novel To Kill a Mockingbird, you’ll recognize that quote as Atticus Finch’s advice to his daughter Scout. It highlights the need to transcend one’s own perspective and to become immersed in another person’s experiences, thoughts, and feelings.
It’s about empathy.
Maria Ross certainly understands that’s invaluable human behavior. She’s the author of The Empathy Dilemma: How Successful Leaders Balance Performance, People, and Personal Boundaries.
Some people mistakenly view sympathy and empathy as synonymous, but they’re not. Ross explains the difference.
“Sympathy is often associated with pity or sadness,” she says. “It puts you a level apart from someone in pain, feeling something for them, looking at them from afar and expressing concern and sadness. That can be appropriate in certain situations. Empathy requires us to feel with someone without any judgment, to sit beside them and try to see what they see so we can understand their context, whether it be sad or joyful. I like to think of sympathy as standing opposite someone and empathy as sitting on the same side of the table so I can see and feel what they see and feel.”
For leaders, what role can empathy play in the way they deal with stress and burnout in the workplace?
Ross says that for some, practicing empathy can cause stress or burnout because they’re so focused on others’ needs without setting clear boundaries or taking care of themselves first. As an example, she cites caregivers who may jeopardize their own well-being because they are so devoted to caring for others.
But practicing empathy and getting outside ourselves can also have healing effects, she says. “When we focus on service rather than obsessing inwardly in a downward spiral, it can create connection, provide purpose, and reduce loneliness,” she says. “But only if we come at it from a strong internal foundation of self-awareness and self-care and not because we’re trying to people-please. Setting boundaries is an act of self-care. Taking time to recharge and rest helps us enter interactions at full capacity.”
Ross says empathy invites people to get curious, actively listen to new ideas, find solutions, and collaborate better. This, in turn, contributes to a mentally healthy work culture. She cites one study that showed workers in empathetic versus non-empathetic teams “can better manage work/life integration, be more innovative, and feel more included—all adding to their mental health and well-being. This makes sense. If we feel seen, heard, and understood, we’re going to be happier and more fulfilled in that environment.”
Ross points out that empathy is more about mutual understanding and support than it is about acquiescence. So, how might a good leader manage employees who try to impose their political and social views on their coworkers?
“We can first recognize that it’s unrealistic to check our humanity at the office door,” she says. “What goes on in the world politically, socially, economically—or even within our own personal lives (parenting, elder care, medical challenges)—impacts us at work. We are human! If Tom is experiencing personal trauma, that impacts his ability to create an accurate spreadsheet or collaborate effectively on a project. We’d be naïve to think otherwise.”
Leaders who acknowledge this, she says, can better support employees and adapt. “Employees don’t need to waste time and energy pretending to be someone else. By bringing our whole selves to work, we can better perform, motivate, mentor, delegate, and even upskill when needed to achieve the team’s goals.”
However, this doesn’t make it a free-for-all. “Leaders who practice empathy through clarity set clear values, norms, and guideposts so everyone knows where they stand, what is acceptable, and what will not be tolerated,” Ross says. “If leaders preach and models mutual respect for different points of view, they set a clear example.”
She says a leader can encourage people to get involved politically or socially for causes they believe in and draw the line at allowing people to coerce, intimidate, or make others uncomfortable who don’t share those beliefs within the workplace. “It requires trust and clear communication. One example is a simple announcement or published communication, such as, ‘We encourage all our employees to get involved in causes and candidates they believe in as your duty within your community. Here at our workplace, we respect all viewpoints. If you find like-minded colleagues who share your views, we encourage you to do things outside of work together. However, we respect all views here and we ask that you refrain from…. (whatever your particular office rules are). If you need support based on your own circumstances, please reach out to your manager, HR, or our various assistance programs.’”
This means that you have something you can point to should things get uncomfortable.
“If this is the established norm, walk your talk and call people out when it’s breached—no matter how awkward it feels,” she says.
Ross says this does not mean leaders should ignore what’s going on politically or socially because those dynamics have real impact on employees’ lives. “Leaders can proactively check in without waiting for drama. For example, after the George Floyd murder, smart companies provided support and counseling for black employees or leveraged Employee Resource Groups (ERG’s) so people could come together and process. Companies can offer Employee Assistance Programs, counseling, mental health days, or flexible work locations. This doesn’t mean the company is ‘getting political.’ It means they understand that a certain group of employees need support so they can better focus and achieve their goals.”
Next — Empathy: The Leadership Skill You Can’t Afford to Ignore