Our strengths almost always have a shadow side.
Hank, the comptroller at a biotech firm, could be counted on to keep his cool. In his 360 review, his team and his colleagues lauded him for being even-keeled, steady, and thoughtful—always cool under pressure. Hank’s steadiness was named as one of his top strengths, along with technical expertise, attention to detail, and a strong work ethic. But he was caught off-guard when he learned that his calm demeanor had a downside: he was perceived as “lacking a sense of urgency,” and several of his colleagues said he needed to do a better job of inspiring and motivating others. Two sides of the same coin. The very same behavior was an asset in one setting and a liability in another.
Any skill can be over-used. When a leader relies too heavily on a strength, it can create blind spots and have negative consequences for a team, and if taken to an extreme, it can be a leader’s downfall. Confidence becomes arrogance. Thoroughness turns to paralysis. Brilliance becomes know-it-all. While it is important to “play to your strengths,” a good leader also knows how to moderate their default settings and develop a broader toolkit.
Know yourself. Start by cultivating self-awareness. What are the go-to moves and behaviors that help you be successful? Reflect on the qualities that people appreciate or praise in you and ask them (and yourself):
- Is this behavior ever too much or over-expressed? What would be the result if it were taken to an extreme?
- What is the impact of your strength on other people’s contribution? Do you make room for them? Do they have to compensate for you?
- How challenging is it for you to do otherwise—if you have a strong bias to action, can you pause and reflect? if you are incredibly detail-oriented, do you have the capacity to see the bigger picture?
Distinguish your behavior from your identity. Watch out for phrases like “I’m not the kind of person who ….,” which suggests that doing otherwise would be out of character or impossible. For example let’s suppose that I have a direct, clear style of communication. “I’m not the kind of person who dances around a subject. I tell it like it is.” In order to avoid over-identifying with this behavior, I might step back and look at it, getting curious about what values or beliefs drive my behavior. Even asking this question creates a bit of distance between me and the behavior. I might trace my “No BS” attitude to my parents and the value I place on honesty and integrity. Thinking further about my values, I might recognize that I also value collaboration and relationship. I could observe that these values are not incompatible, although they might sometimes be in tension. This reflection process allows me to expand my identity and stop equating myself with directness and instead acknowledge that I have various values and can make trade-offs to balance them in different situations. Making a different choice in the moment to soften my language to invite others into discussion doesn’t not require that I transform into a different person, just to expand my repertoire.
Explore complementary or adjacent competencies. Leadership requires intention and choice, which requires that you expand your behavioral repertoire beyond your default moves. If you suspect that you are overly reliant on a particular strength and it is starting to get in your way, the chances are that other competencies may be under-developed. If you are skilled at clear, direct communication, how well do you listen, and are you willing to adjust your point of view based on what you hear? How might you begin to cultivate adjacent or complementary behaviors? Notice whether you find it uncomfortable to stretch into new behavioral territory and consider if there may be a hidden commitment to not changing. Someone whose superpower is that they are 100% reliable and always the go-to person, might find that this asset starts to become a liability when it prevents them from delegating or empowering others. Underlying their reluctance to delegate may be a hidden commitment to being needed. And under that commitment might be an assumption that if they ever say “no,” people will deem them unnecessary and they will lose everything. To test this assumption, start small: instead of shouldering all the burden, they might push back on a deadline or ask for help with a task. Gradually they may find that their assumption breaks down and their range of behavior expands.
Enlist others to help you. If you have an overused strength, your friends and colleagues are probably quite aware of it. Let them know what you are working on and invite them to call you on it. Use humor and call out your own behavior, “Whoa! I just got into drill sergeant mode. Let me back up and try again. What do you think about …..?” This behavior will help others to give you in-the-moment feedback and it also models self-awareness humility and good humor.
Remember that the goal is to expand your repertoire, integrate new behaviors and give you more choices, not to take away your gift. Lean into your strength when appropriate, and practice self-compassion for the times when your strength becomes a liability, after all, it helped you get where you are.