When you’re in situations and sensitive topics come up or you disagree with others, you probably hesitate to share your real opinions. You may not know how to speak up, or you may feel uncomfortable. Social pressure and self-silencing are real and widespread, according to data.
But there are good reasons to speak up, assert your point of view and get into conversations with others. You have a lot to gain through learning other’s opinions and they have a lot to learn from you as well.
Hesitation to Speak Up
The majority of people in the US—58%–believe they cannot share their honest opinions about society today. In addition, fully 61% of people say they self-silence, and every single demographic group misrepresents their true opinions on many sensitive topics.
Among those who hold back, college grads and political independents are most likely to restrain their opinions. All this is according to a survey of over 19,000 respondents by Populace.
How to Speak Up
Despite people’s propensity to avoid sharing their opinions, it can be especially beneficial.
When you speak up, you experience greater alignment between your beliefs and your actions—and that’s good for mental health. Speaking up also helps you improve your communication and develop your skills in expressing yourself, and it gives others an opportunity to learn from your ideas.
It also encourages them to speak up as well—which is good for them, but also provides you with the opportunity to learn from their perspectives.
So how to speak up? Here are the best strategies to be heard.
1. Know Yourself and Your Values
If you’re going to speak up, be clear about what’s motivating you and what’s important to you. Be sure you’re expressing yourself with content that is consistent with your values—and with an approach that is consistent with your values as well—for example, interacting with integrity, civility, empathy and respect for others.
Be confident, knowing your opinion is your own. Use I-statements and don’t over-explain. You don’t have to be perfect or right about everything in order to put yourself out there—and move a dialogue (and mutual learning) forward.
2. Know Your Stuff
Also be sure you know your stuff and have a firm grip on facts, data, reality and points of view that may be different from yours.
With social media’s algorithms today, you are generally exposed to information that agrees with your existing opinions—and you have less access to information that departs from your knowledge. But there is value in learning all you can about an issue.
Seek diversity in thought and opinion so you can learn, grow and understand multiple views. Even if you don’t agree with others’ opinions, your own views will be enriched when you know more about all sides.
3. Know Your Audience
Also know your audience, expressing your opinions and paying attention to your tone and approach—so they can hear you and engage constructively.
Fascinating data from Populace, suggests that people agree with each other more than we realize.
- For two-thirds of the sensitive issues that Populace studied (43 of 64 issues), 90% of demographically different groups actually agreed with each other’s opinions. Topics ranged from school choice and legal immigration to abortion rights and voter ID requirements.
- A majority of men and women agree on most of the issues (57 of 64 issues).
- The majority of Gen Z also agree with the general public on most of the issues as well (57 of 64 issues).
Given this data, you may have more in common with your audience than you realize. But even if you don’t, you can share your ideas and be open to others’ thoughts as well. And you can assume good intentions in others, even if you really don’t like them—or if you have opposing points of view.
4. Know Your Limitations
In addition to having a strong, well-informed point of view, you’re also wise to be humble. Assume you don’t know it all or that you don’t have all the possible information. Ask questions, express intellectual humility, and seek to learn continuously.
Interestingly, people tend respect others who have a strong point of view and who are easy to read—as well as those who are clear about their own limitations, mistakes and areas where they are less knowledgeable.
Another strategy is to find an ally. Talk with a good friend to test your ideas and ask them to push back, challenge you and help you develop your thinking. Consider practicing with them prior to expressing your point of view—and have them give you feedback and coaching on how you can be more clear, compelling and convincing as well as appropriately open.
5. Assume Good Intentions
While it can be a challenge, you’re also wise to try to trust others. Unfortunately, the more you self-silence, the more likely you are to distrust others. According to Populace, those who hold back are less likely to trust (just 30% who trust others, versus 52%).
But trust is linked with better relationships and greater fulfillment as well—so it’s worthwhile to lean toward trusting others (until you know you can’t) and seek to build strong bonds and close connections.
How to Speak Up
Knowing how to speak up can be a challenge. You may not feel secure in your ability to express your ideas, or you may worry that sharing your opinion could put you at odds with others. But with planning, intentionality and a belief in yourself, you can create a runway to dialogue, discussion and understanding—as well as more rewarding relationships with others.