Hosting Thanksgiving is a massive undertaking, and it’s not just the meal preparation that can be daunting. Anticipating strained social interactions and inappropriate language from guests is cause for anxiety, too. In particular, this important annual meal seems to elicit a lot of unnecessary stress around body size and food. If you’ve been dreaming of a getting through November 28 without hearing the phrase “cheat day,” here’s a step-by-step guide to hosting a size-inclusive Thanksgiving.
1. Check In With Your Guests About Their Seating Needs
Size inclusivity isn’t just about avoiding offensive language, it’s about recognizing that people in different bodies have different needs, and that’s OK. Depending on the number of guests you plan on having, seating can admittedly be tight. Alternatively, maybe your vision includes a perfectly symmetrical table with identical seating.
However, put yourself in the shoes of a guest who might be looking forward to spending the day with you, but dreading the possibility that they will have to sit in a chair that is extremely uncomfortable for several hours. Thanksgiving guests are often aware of how much work goes into hosting, and don’t want to pile extra tasks onto their host’s to-do list.
Sending a quick text or email to check-in with all your guests can go a long way in preventing unnecessary anxiety. You might ask guests to let you know if they have specific seating needs or if anyone would like a chair without armrests. If you’re using digital invitations, you can just add a question about seating alongside requests for things like dietary restrictions and food allergies.
2. Share Your Vision For A Size-Inclusive Thanksgiving
Your Thanksgiving guests are your closest family and friends. If size-inclusivity is one of your values, your guests will want to know that. You can start by offering what a size-inclusive Thanksgiving means to you and then share what that you’d like that to look like. This messaging can be shared over email or text, or in-person ahead of the meal.
If you’re not sure how on-board your guests will be, avoid sending out group texts or emails (opting instead for individual or BCC’d communication), as this might invite lengthy discussions that feel overwhelming. You’re allowed to request that people forego any questions they might have for now, and simply honor your request.
3. Encourage Guests Not To Comment On Weight Or Food Choices Before, During Or After The Meal
We’re still in the era where commenting on body size and food choices is considered normal. In our culture, weight loss is usually considered positive and weight gain is typically considered negative.
The reality is, however, that we have no idea what’s going on in a person’s life that may be affecting their body size. Changes in a person’s body size is a deeply private matter that is not appropriate for dinner conversation. It’s best not to presume that talking about intentional weight-loss is a safe topic for the table either. Because our culture directly equates food choices with body size, part of creating a size-inclusive Thanksgiving means being more mindful about how we discuss food as well. Encourage guests to think of Thanksgiving Day as an opportunity to practice not commenting on people’s weight or food choices, including their own.
4. Expect Some Discomfort, But Don’t Let It Discourage You
Change is, well, hard. If this is the first time you’re attempting to create a size-inclusive environment, it’s normal to feel a little unsure or even guilty. This is a normal part of trying something new, and it shouldn’t deter you from doing something that matters to you.
If you’re nervous about body or food commentary on Thanksgiving Day, remember you’re allowed to have a plan that serves your needs, desires and boundaries. Hopefully, this guide will empower you to have a more size-inclusive Thanksgiving.