I was recently speaking with a couple where one partner made significantly more money than their other half. The person who made more asked me how household expenses should be divvied up. Whether married or unmarried, every couple needs to find an arrangement that works well for them and their relationship.
Too often, assumptions and lack of communication can lead to someone feeling resentful and the relationship being at risk. This is how to manage household expenses with a large income gap.
Communicate
In the earlier example, the partner making more money had previously resorted to covering all the household expenses out of fear of conflict. They assumed that because they made twice as much as their partner, the person making less would be resentful of any contributions they were asked to make. However, the person making more did not feel appreciated for their contributions which had a negative impact on the relationship. Communication was needed to solve this issue.
Income-Weighted Division
After communicating, we found the person making less wanted to contribute their fair share and had no idea how much the partner making more was paying. For this couple, weighting contributions to household expenses by income level made the most sense so the person making more began to cover two thirds of expenses while their partner covered the other third.
Define Fairness
In your own relationship, it’s critical to talk through both of your perspectives, values, and ideas of fairness.
Consumption-Based Division
If the ideas of fairness end up being consumption or use-based, it may end up making sense to split expenses based on that. In this example, if you have a home that you both use equally, you would both contribute equal amounts regardless of the income disparity.
Labor-Based Division
In some relationships, I’ve also seen a couple exchange domestic labor for a portion of the household expenses. I’ve seen person making more pay for all housing costs, while the person making less covered groceries and cooking duties.
Priority-Based Division
In others, I’ve seen couples decide covering entirely separate expenses according to their personal priorities was worked best for them. They maintained entirely separate bank accounts. One person covered all the costs related to their joint children and the other covered everything else.
Revisit
Oftentimes, I find that income levels and priorities can change over time in a relationship. One or both could go through a long stretch of joblessness, get a promotion, switch careers, or go back to school and the previous arrangement might not make as much sense as it once did. It’s critical to discuss your priorities, revisit your joint budget, and agree on the path moving forward at regular intervals.
Consider Your Joint Financial Goals
How you divide your everyday expenses can impact your ability to meet joint financial goals. If you and your partner want to achieve something together, like purchasing a home, it’s critical to discuss how you’ll meet that goal separately from your arrangements around household expenses. What feels fair in your everyday life might be different from what feels fair when saving toward future goals.
Conclusion
Managing household expenses when there is a significant income gap between partners requires open communication, a clear definition of fairness, and regular reassessment of the financial arrangement. By discussing each partner’s perspectives and values, couples can find a balance that works for both parties, whether that means proportionate contributions, weighting by consumption, exchanging domestic labor or maintaining separate financial responsibilities. It’s essential to remember that circumstances and priorities change over time, so revisiting and adjusting the financial plan is crucial to ensure it continues to meet the needs of the relationship. Ultimately, the key to success lies in mutual respect, understanding, and a willingness to adapt as life evolves.
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Cicely Jones (CA Insurance Lic. #: 0K81625) offers securities through Equitable Advisors, LLC (NY, NY 212-314-4600), member FINRA, SIPC (Equitable Financial Advisors in MI & TN) and offers annuity and insurance products through Equitable Network, LLC, which conducts business in California as Equitable Network Insurance Agency of California, LLC). Financial Professionals may transact business and/or respond to inquiries only in state(s) in which they are properly qualified. Any compensation that Ms. Jones may receive for the publication of this article is earned separate from, and entirely outside of her capacities with, Equitable Advisors, LLC and Equitable Network, LLC (Equitable Network Insurance Agency of California, LLC). AGE-7316691.1 (11/24)(exp. 11/28)