Have you ever found yourself wondering if feedback from a colleague was meant to be meaningful to your professional growth or simply a well-crafted slight? If you have – you are not alone!
I often hear people say how much they enjoy feedback – and they typically do – when it is positive and benefits them. Yet, the more constructive the message the more difficult it can be to hear – this is where the learning happens and we need to take it seriously.
There are many reasons why taking feedback can be tricky. Generally speaking, we want to project a positive and competent image of ourselves at work. For some, being viewed as less than perfect is hard to process – however, the problem with this thinking is that self-imposed perfectionism damages our mental health and careers because being perfect – it is an impossible and unrealistic goal.
Another reason so many of us struggle with feedback is that we tie our self-worth and identity to our careers. In a 2023 Pew Research poll examining how Americans view their jobs, over 73% of workers considered their job has a ‘high’ or ‘moderately high’ relationship with their overall identity. Identifying with your career is normal – but remember – your job does not define who you are as a person.
Awareness Is Key
Being aware that the feelings we manifest from feedback can challenge our sense of self; what we do with those feelings matters. People with higher emotional intelligence can manage their emotions and understand those around them.
Taking a beat and not taking it personally – even when it might feel personal – allows time to self-reflect, providing an opportunity to respond meaningfully. This is where operating from a growth versus fixed mindset is so important as it allows us to be more aware of what is ‘ours’ to learn from and what is not.
According to Ashli Komaryk, a seasoned Leadership Coach, being blindsided by tough feedback can be unsettling and disorienting. Criticism triggers the sympathetic nervous system, activating the fight-flight-freeze response—our brain’s natural survival mechanism. Komaryk suggests looking for the value in the feedback, assuming your mentor genuinely wants to help especially in a psychologically safe environment.
If someone you trust and respect is having a truthful conversation with you about how you can improve – even if it is hard to hear – it is an opportunity for your learn and grown.
“Adopting a growth mindset is a conscious choice that requires us to pause, reflect, and challenge ingrained thinking” says Komaryk. It involves viewing challenges as opportunities and seeing failure as a chance to learn, rather than a threat to self-worth.
Top 5 Strategies To Grow From Feedback
1. Shift to a Growth Mindset
Feedback is an opportunity for professional and self-growth – it’s not usually an attack. If we embrace a learning mindset, it can help us understand that challenging feedback as an opportunity to improve rather than a personal failure.
2. Separate Identity from Role
Don’t tie your self-worth to your job. Your career is an important part of life – however, it does not define your entire identity. This mental separation helps to depersonalize feedback and, in turn, will lower the emotional reactivity.
3. Pause and Reflect
Sit with feedback. It’s always better to reflect, process emotions and think about the motivation behind the message before responding. Providing space between hearing and responding to feedback often helps prevent harsh reactions.
4. Understand the Source
Consider the source. Is the message coming someone who you trust and respect? If it is, they are trying to coach and mentor you – hear them. If it’s not focus on the message and not necessarily the delivery – take what you need from it, and then let it go.
5. Seek Clarification, Not Confirmation
Sometimes, it is you. If you want to grow, instead of seeking validation, ask for clarification, such as, “Can you provide an example of where I can improve?” or “I’m wondering if you could point that out next time if I miss it myself”. Gaining insight into specific actions or behaviours you can be aware of will provide you with a path to self-awareness and change.
Remember feedback isn’t fatal – following these tips you will place yourself in a stronger position to learn and grow.