We all want to be liked, recognized and appreciated by our colleagues, but if we’re constantly being nice for approval, it backfires. People-pleasing to cooperate and build team spirit is one thing. But if approval-seeking is based on fear, it has a negative impact on how you’re viewed in the workplace. Winston Churchill said it best, “An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.” Building a professional reputation as “the yes employee’ weakens your foundation for career advancement.
Why Being ‘The Yes Employee’ Has A Short Shelf Life
If you’re always saying yes and rarely or never saying no, it comes across as inauthentic and disingenuous. Niceness from coworkers is appealing at first, but eventually appeasing makes you stand out at work for the wrong reasons. Higher-ups and colleagues see through the charade as dishonest. And the “yes employee” is exposed as a fake, suffering the negative label of a self-seeker instead of a kind, caring and effective worker. “The yes employee” can appear in more than one type.
1. “Yes employees” turn themselves into pretzels to earn approval that they lack on a deeper level from themselves. They are so afraid of disapproval and judgment they go to great lengths to avoid it. They will oppose their own truths to agree and say yes when they don’t actually agree or when they want to say no but can’t. Insecure people-pleasers agree with the majority out of fear of not fitting.
2. Some “yes employees” are all for show. They are grand manipulators who appease their coworkers with the Mr./Ms. Nice Guy facade to reach the top of the career ladder. On a deeper level, they don’t believe enough in themselves, and their approval insecurities win out over their professional skills. Bending over backwards and stroking the egos of others becomes a substitute coping strategy for self-confidence.
3. “The yes employee” is often a conflict avoider, afraid to stand his/her ground in a disagreement. Fear of conflict dwarfs the strength of speaking up or opposing a colleague’s belief or opinion. Avoiders go along with the team–even if they strongly disagree–out of fear of conflict. “The yes employee” is sometimes a peace-maker, threatened by disagreements, conforming to create harmony and keep the peace.
4. When unreasonable employer demands create employee threat and mistrust, “the yes employee” often plays productive at work. Dubbed “productivity theater,” employees pretend to be engaged and productive in impactful work that is visible to upper management. But fear-based appearances are usually deceptive, and much of the time little productivity is occurring underneath the masquerade.
5. Many times “yes employees” are careaholics, saying yes to others while saying no to themselves. They believe self-sacrifice is a nobler path to career success and that self-care is self-centered nonsense. Careaholics sacrifice their own self-care by overloading themselves with other people’s problems as a distraction from their own. When helping is a means to self-medicate, you don’t have to think about your own emotional pain. And if you have past emotional baggage, you’re not likely to let someone else struggle with theirs. Many end up in caring professions like nurses, therapists, or members of the clergy.
The Line Between ‘The Yes Employee’ And ‘The No Employee’
It’s important to know the line of when to speak out against or when to conform to the group. Research shows selling out, avoiding conflict or being Ms. or Mr. Nice Guy strategies don’t work. When you’re afraid to speak up, disagree, say no, think outside the box or stick your neck out in a creative way, you could be unwittingly sabotaging your career.
At first glance, it seems counterintuitive, but Warren Buffett declares that his success is his ability to say no instead of yes. “The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say ‘no’ to almost everything,” Buffett argues.
And scientists agree that non-pleasers and non-conformists are not necessarily the rebels or troublemakers in the workplace. They are rogue individualists, more likely to work together for the greater good of the company; whereas “the yes employee” is less likely to do so because conformity and approval are more important to their self-esteem, security and ambitious goals than the common good.
Successful career climbers constantly assess where they are on the spectrum between yielding and holding their ground. They don’t hesitate to ask what edge they can go to in their jobs, get out of their comfort zones and stick their necks out to move the needle in one direction.
A Final Takeaway For ‘The Yes Employee’
After all is said and done, no matter how hard you appease, someone will disapprove of something or disagree And it’s only a matter of time before the crocodile feasts upon you. When you become a chameleon, changing for the approval of others, you lose touch with who you actually are. The Rx? Learn to be your own person and gauge your actions and map your career by your own standards with five actions.
1. Get comfortable with disapproval and disagreements.
2. Learn to face conflict instead of avoid it.
3. Stand firm in your values and opinions.
4. Be willing to speak up and say no when you mean no.
5. Practice self-care first before caretaking others second.
Are you ready to take the risk of going against the fear of ridicule, rejection or being labeled a troublemaker? If so, consider finding that one place in your career where you’ve been hiding and challenge yourself to open pathways that allow you to thrive. When you look for that unpredictable bridge to jump from to sprout your wings or that limb to reach the fruit of the tree, you don’t have to be “the yes employee” anymore, and you can face the future without fearing the crocodile.