By Rhonda Ryan, LCSW, Family Support Program Director at Friends of Karen
When a friend, family member, or co-worker’s child is diagnosed with a serious illness, it can be difficult to know how to support them. Fear of saying or doing the wrong thing may prevent you from helping in a meaningful way.
While the world continues around them, parents of children with life-threatening illnesses experience profound exhaustion, fear, and anxiety. They are thrust into a daily existence of dealing with complex medical issues, doctors, health insurance companies, and advocating for their ill child. At the same time, they must parent and comfort their other children while spending months – sometimes years – at the ill child’s bedside, all while striving to maintain a semblance of normalcy.
Social workers at Friends of Karen, a nonprofit founded in 1978 to support children with life-threatening illnesses, help parents build resilience, and guide them through coping strategies, offering emotional validation and a sense of hope. A diagnosis like pediatric cancer affects the entire family, and parents will appreciate your support when it truly helps address what they need to get through this crisis.
How to Help Without Overwhelming Them
With the best intentions, we often ask those in crisis to tell us what they need. But parents are overwhelmed and may not be able to articulate their needs. Some children remain in the hospital for months at a time while parents juggle home and hospital life daily. Instead of asking, offer specific help when you are available.
Offer to take their other children to school or childcare when the ill child is in treatment. Babysitting or helping with homework for siblings can be invaluable. If you visit the hospital, offer to stay with the ill child so parents can take a break, nap, or make phone calls. Restaurant or food delivery service gift cards are a thoughtful touch since parents’ schedules are so hectic that even heating up meals may be too time-consuming.
Listening Without Judgment
Parents need your presence and empathy. Saying things like, “I can’t imagine what you and your family must be going through,” or “This must be incredibly hard,” acknowledges their struggle. Encourage them to share their feelings but avoid discussing everyday complaints, as these can seem trivial to parents trying to save their child’s life.
Each family has its own culture and traditions, and their decisions may differ from your own. Avoid giving unsolicited advice. Parents already second-guess every choice about their child’s care, so acknowledge their strength instead. Words of praise and encouragement go a long way.
Be a Consistent Presence
When a child is first diagnosed, the community often rallies around the family, but support tends to fade over time. Being consistent in your support is critical, especially since illnesses like leukemia require years of treatment. Checking in regularly, even just to listen, can make a world of difference.
Supporting Siblings
Siblings of an ill child often experience a mix of emotions—guilt, loneliness, anger, and feeling ignored. Make an effort to engage them in activities like watching a movie, going out for ice cream, or simply ensuring they have companionship. Being part of social activities provides a welcome distraction and a sense of normalcy. Recognize that the journey is just as difficult for them. Avoid saying, “You need to help your parents now.” Instead, ask how they are doing.
Your own children may have questions or concerns, so explain the ill child’s situation in an age-appropriate, non-frightening way, while respecting the family’s privacy. Be mindful of what you share, as children often repeat what they hear.
Navigating Financial Support
Caring for a child with a life-threatening illness often means parents cannot work, making financial strain one of the most stressful aspects of the journey. Single parents are particularly vulnerable. While fundraising through GoFundMe or community efforts may seem helpful, money and illness are deeply personal topics. Always discuss potential fundraising efforts with the parents to ensure they are comfortable with such a public approach.
Connecting Parents to Resources
Beyond hospital care, community-based organizations like Friends of Karen provide financial assistance, emotional support, and connections to services that can help alleviate the burden. Hospital social workers focus primarily on medical care, so helping parents research available support services can be incredibly valuable.
By offering tangible, consistent support, listening without judgment, and engaging the entire family, you can make a meaningful difference in the lives of those facing a child’s life-threatening illness.
Rhonda Ryan is a licensed clinical social worker with more than 35 years of experience working with families experiencing a health crisis. She has extensive experience working with children with cancer and other life-threatening illnesses and their families, as well as with bereaved families.
This is a content marketing post from a Forbes EQ participant. Forbes brand contributors’ opinions are their own.