As parents, we want the best for our children. We want to ensure they have every opportunity to succeed, every tool to thrive. But sometimes, that instinct to protect and provide can lead us down a path we’re hesitant to acknowledge: becoming a “helicopter parent.” Or, in more modern parlance, a “lawnmower” or even “snowplow” parent.
These terms are often tossed around with a smirk, used to describe parents who hover over every detail of their children’s lives—ensuring every problem is fixed, every obstacle removed. It comes from a good place, driven by love and concern.
In higher education, we see the delicate dance parents and families perform as they support their students in new and unfamiliar territory. College is often the first real foray into adulthood for many young people. It’s a time for them to navigate personal challenges, learn life skills, and, yes, even stumble a bit as they find their footing. And the truth is, those stumbles are where growth happens. Jessica Lahey captures this beautifully in “The Gift of Failure”: “Children learn best when they are allowed to make mistakes and face the natural consequences of their actions. Helicopter parents rob their kids of this critical learning.”
Think of the less hands-on approach as more of a “lighthouse parent.” Rather than clearing the path or hovering overhead, lighthouse parents stand as steady guides—offering light, direction, and reassurance from the shore, but allowing their children to navigate the waters on their own. Kenneth Ginsburg describes it perfectly in “Raising Kids to Thrive”: “Be a lighthouse for your children: a stable beacon of light on the shore, guiding them safely to land while allowing them to navigate the waters on their own.”
Life for students post-Covid-19 has amplified the obstacles that parents may feel inclined to “plow” over. Students today face new pressures—emotional, financial, and social. They’ve spent formative years in isolation or disrupted routines. As a result, many arrive on campus less confident in handling tasks like budgeting, managing relationships, or advocating for themselves.
This is where parental support plays a critical role—but not in the ways you might expect. The goal isn’t to solve every problem but to empower students to solve problems on their own. It’s about teaching them to fish rather than handing them one.
Take budgeting, for example. A student overspending their meal plan might cause worry. But rather than replenishing it immediately, a conversation about financial choices and consequences can turn what feels like a negative into a positive. Roommate conflicts are another common challenge. While it may be tempting to intervene, encouraging open communication and compromise can teach critical interpersonal skills they’ll need long after college.
These moments are not just about resolving the issue at hand; they are about building confidence, resilience, and independence. They help students transition from being cared for to taking charge of their own lives. By encouraging autonomy and fostering problem-solving, you become co-architects of your student’s success.
This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be there for your student. It means being there in a way that supports their growth rather than undermines it. Ask questions instead of giving answers. Be a sounding board, not a solution machine.
It’s also critical to acknowledge that not every student has the same level of support at home. First-generation college students and those whose families may not be able to offer hands-on guidance often face additional hurdles. For these students, the university must serve as both a place of academic growth and a support system. Ensuring resources—such as mentoring, financial literacy workshops, and mental health services—are visible and accessible can make all the difference. College is challenging for everyone, but for those navigating it largely on their own, having access to strong institutional support isn’t just helpful; it’s essential.
I understand it’s not always easy to step back. As a parent myself, I know how hard it can be to watch your child struggle. But I also know how rewarding it is to see them succeed on their own terms. Plus, that moment when they call, excited to share how they resolved a challenge independently—is priceless.
Together, we can ensure this generation of students is not just educated but equipped to lead, to adapt, and to succeed in an ever-changing world.
Let’s guide them, not hover over them. Because the best gift we can give is the confidence to take flight.