So many executives and leaders that I have coached are struggling with finding time for “balance” in their lives. As they mentioned to me, unless they have a child in front of them demanding their attention, they easily fill more and more hours each day with work. As they note “ I just can’t leave any open emails at night” or “I’m almost caught up, just a few more hours”. Yet, when you talk with them, they still haven’t gotten all of their emails done nor have they finished all of their tasks on their to-do lists. Thus, they leave each day feeling like they have still so much more work to do, and the work doesn’t show any signs of going away. I get it. It’s hard to stop working when you think you’re nearly caught up. And yet, are we? Almost caught up? Will we ever be?
It’s pretty clear – the work just keeps piling up and it will always be there. This is even more challenging at certain times of the year, depending on deliverables in the person’s job or even just the holidays, etc. Times that should be joyful are overwhelming with trying to get everything done in order to take time off to relax. Further, we know this rat race isn’t sustainable for our own health.
Why is it so important to build in time for you? When we are stretched too thin, we know that stress and exhaustion (both mental and physical) can be related to poorer decisions, less positive connections with coworkers, and in some cases, lapses in ethical judgments. So, taking time is critical. There’s just too much at stake.
What will it take to get leaders to slow down and build in more personal time for sleep, exercise, hobbies, and connections with family and friends? In one of Stephen Covey’s books, First things first, he suggests categorizing tasks by urgency and importance so that you can focus on what actually needs to be done in the limited time you have. One of his ideas that I have shared with many executives is to schedule a year out for your blocks of family time or vacations before the time gets filled in with other things from work. If, in fact, time with family or your own personal recharging time really is important, then schedule it in advance and don’t let anything or anyone remove it from your calendar. And, people will try to encroach on that time. So, guard it if it really is a high priority to you.
If you’re fortunate enough to have an assistant, make sure you are effectively managing how they are scheduling you. Unless you tell them otherwise, they may be motivated to fit in as many meetings or appointments in a day as possible. Even many doctors tell me they run into this problem. They are given 10 minutes for each patient which is generally not possible so everyone has a long wait and even the Docs are frustrated with the quality of time with their patients. Why does this occur? They are over-scheduled. Can they push back? Yes, but often they don’t, deciding instead that they will sacrifice their own break time in order to see as many people as possible. If you have an assistant, they may be the same way. They may be trying to fit in as many appointments as possible despite the fact that this means you are running around trying to make all of these meetings and/or you have to cut your lunch break short or give up your walking time or something else. For your own sanity (and that of those you are meeting with), don’t allow this to happen. Give yourself some breathing room in between meetings.
Remove things from your calendar that are not that urgent. Sometimes this takes a careful look at your calendar, but it can be done. If you’re feeling pressed for time, what can wait until another time or actually just be deleted? It’s important to create space in your calendar. This can immediately reduce your stress.
Build in “me time” first thing in the morning before it can get interrupted. Some leaders use that early time for exercise, meditation, yoga, prayer, or other things. Use it to start your day off with intention, rather than with chaotic confusion. If first thing in the morning doesn’t work then build in the time consistently each day, whether it is at lunch or after work.
Learn how to say “NO”. As it has been said, No is one of the simplest 2-letter words that seems to one of the hardest to say. Saying yes to too many requests can initially seem like a great idea, but at some point it’s important to know how to say “no” and use that free time for yourself. Don’t feel guilty. You need the me-time in order to be recharged and more effective in your job.
Find one hobby, at least one. This seems easy and yet I know too many people who gave up all of their hobbies when they took on a leadership role. Doing something enjoyable whether it’s exercising, reading, painting, gardening, fixing up cars, listening to music, etc. takes your mind off of the daily challenges and gives your brain a temporary escape. It puts you in a positive state so that when you do go back to your work, you feel renewed or at least you look at things differently, which can actually help in solving problems.
Give back to others, whether that is volunteering at an animal shelter, elderly home, food bank, etc. By giving back to others, it helps us regain perspective. It also helps us to remember what’s really important, and frankly, it’s not just more work.
You don’t have to create a complicated, long plan for how to build in more “me time”. You just have to start. Sometimes those first few steps are all it takes to incorporate it into a routine. For example, instead of waiting until you have time to run for 45 minutes, just start with a 20 minute walk, Then, keep at it. Every day. That 20 minute walk will become a habit that will give you some space to breathe and reflect.
Create a list of “me time” activities you can do in short bursts of time. For example, suppose you found 20 minutes. What hobby could you do in 20 minutes? Walking, singing, drawing, reading, napping, etc. Create this list. Then, create a list of activities you might want to do if you had more time, like an hour – going to a store, having coffee with a friend, doing some gardening, etc. This way, when you carve out 20 minutes you have some ready-made hobbies you can do and the same once you find a “free” hour.
Protect your “me time”. You may initially feel guilt over taking this time. Try not to. This time is critical for your own mental health so that you can be an effective leader. Remember, the work will always be there. Take time for you, so you can better face what each day brings and rediscover the joy in your work.