In her latest book, Do You Still Talk to Grandma?, renowned motivational speaker and author Brit Barron invites readers into a deeply personal and thought-provoking exploration of what it means to maintain connections with loved ones whose beliefs or actions conflict with their own. Drawing from personal experiences—her parents’ divorce and navigating a faith community that excluded BIPOC and LGBTQ+ individuals—she unpacks the complex tension between standing firm in one’s values and preserving meaningful relationships.
With nothing short of piercing honesty, Barron confronts cancel culture, deconstructing the overly simplistic and punitive dynamics that dominate much of today’s social discourse. She advocates for an accountability rooted in growth, transformation, and grace rather than sheer annihilation. Through psychological concepts like ‘splitting’ and ‘cognitive closure,’ Barron reveals the pitfalls of binary thinking and the discomfort of ambiguity, urging readers to embrace the nuanced complexities of relationships that exist outside of social media.
At the core of her message is the belief that accountability and compassion must coexist. Barron challenges readers to reflect on their own journeys—acknowledging past mistakes, recognizing the time it took to evolve, and resisting what she calls ‘progressive amnesia,’ the tendency to forget one’s own growth trajectory. She advocates for a compassionate approach that acknowledges the humanity in others, even in the face of disappointment or conflict. Do You Still Talk to Grandma? serves as a timely and tender guide for navigating the delicate balance between personal integrity and relational amity. Grounded in luminous wisdom and unflinching vulnerability, Barron offers a roadmap for remaining integral while leaving the door open for connection—even with those who may not yet share the same perspectives.
Early in the book, Barron underscores this approach with a powerful assertion: “I am not writing this book for extremists. I am talking to the massive middle, to the folks who are dissatisfied with the current social process and who think we can do better as people. I think there are a lot of us who want to see healing, who want to feel allowed to hold nuance. We are not the loudest, or even the most popular, but I do think we are massively underestimated.”
In an interview with Forbes contributor Ashlee Marie Preston, Barron expands on the transformative themes of her book, sharing hard-won insights on growth, forgiveness, and the courage it takes to balance accountability with compassion.
Ashlee Marie Preston: In Do You Still Talk to Grandma? you share some deeply personal anecdotes. What was the most difficult story for you to tell, and how has sharing it changed your relationship to yourself and those involved?
Brit Barron: Writing about my parents’ divorce was a difficult choice for me. Parts of it felt so fresh and yet I realized that while the book is largely tackling broader social concepts – the experience of my parents getting divorced weaved the fundamental thread that I needed to understand the core question in the book: what happens when both deep love and deep disappointment exist in the same relationship? Knowing that my current relationships with my parents were strong enough to hold this discussion, I decided it was a necessary element to share.
Preston: Vulnerability catalyzes connection, but not without risk. How do you discern when to take a chance on someone versus when to step back—and how does courage shape those decisions?
Barron: Growing up, my dad would always say ‘courage is not the absence of fear, it is simply not allowing fear to have the final say.’ As someone who is not naturally prone to vulnerability, I have had to build it like a muscle and realize it is always a little scary. But almost everything I hold most dear in my life came on the other side of that fear. My relationship with my wife, with my parents, even my relationship to my work all get better when I move through that fear. Now, there have also been times that vulnerability has backfired, and I have been hurt— but those experiences have been the exception and not the rule. So I must keep believing that the risk is worth it.
Preston: What advice do you have for someone struggling with the question: ‘How much am I willing to let go of to stay in this relationship?’
Barron: I would first start with the question ‘How much does this relationship mean to me?’ I often say that my work isn’t about strangers. If someone online who you have never met says something you don’t like – block them. It’s that simple. But when we are talking about the relationships of the people in our life, when we are talking about grandparents, parents, partners, cousins, siblings, college roommates, we become forced to hold much more nuance and sometimes our connection to someone is worth us treading the messy waters of disagreement— of different paces of evolution and recently, different voting.
Preston: You discuss ‘internet brain’ and the seductive simplicity of binary thinking online. Do you ever catch yourself falling into that trap, and if so, how do you navigate back to nuance?
Barron: I find myself falling into that all the time. If I spend too much time online, I feel myself giving up my control to the algorithm, and the algorithm, no matter what side you are on, wants nothing more than for us to engage in the simplicity of binary thinking. The tool that is typically used to help push binary thinking on us is the use of extremes and painting with broad strokes like ‘every single person who voted this way believes this thing.’ When I find myself in that trap, I start to pull myself out when I honestly assess if all of these extremes are true of the real people in my life whom I actually know. Typically, the broad strokes of ‘everyone’ and ‘always’ start to breakdown.
Preston: How can we move beyond the ‘splitting’ phenomenon you describe in the book—seeing others as either all-good or all-bad—especially in the heat of online debates or family disagreements?
Barron: I believe this is some of the most important work we can do as humans; to practice the experience of letting more than one thing be true. One of the elements that makes this difficult is the reality that if it is true for someone else, it is true for us as well and most of us enjoy the fantasy that there is a clean line in the sand that separates right and wrong and hope that there is some way we can eat, sleep and breathe on the ‘right’ side of the line. But if others are not all-good or all-bad then we can’t be either and that can be a hard pill to swallow.
Preston: Forgiveness is a major theme in your book. What does forgiveness look like when trust has been broken, and how do you rebuild it while maintaining your own boundaries?
Barron: One large distinction I make in the book is forgiveness moving from the idea of a single, magical moment to an ongoing, evolving practice. Simply put, sometimes forgiveness involves the people who have broken our trust and sometimes it is a path we go on without them. Only you can choose that boundary for yourself.
Preston: In the book, you introduce readers to the idea of ‘progressive amnesia,’ where people forget their own growth journeys. How can reconnecting with our past mistakes help us extend more grace to others?
Barron: Our ability to not only remember a time before we knew what we know now but to also empathize with that version of ourselves is the single most important step we can take if we ever hope to have empathy for someone else. And empathy, is our greatest weapon against binary thinking and polarization. It is important to remember that empathy is not an endorsement, it is a reminder of someone’s humanity.
Preston: You’ve discussed how faith-based communities, political affiliations, and systemic biases often affect personal relationships. Is it possible to confront those larger societal dynamics while still preserving the humanity of the individuals involved?
Barron: Absolutely. I spent a lot of time being indoctrinated in faith-based communities and I know what it feels like. I know the perceived psychological safety I was offered, I know how all-encompassing it can be. As a woman of color, I see how deeply the roots of white supremacy go, as a woman I see how wide the net of patriarchy is cast and so it would be irresponsible to imagine there is a way to live in this country without these messages grabbing ahold of you at some point. My work is to dismantle the systems, not destroy the people.
Preston: Generational gaps on issues like race, identity, and faith can feel insurmountable. How do we start bridging those divides, especially with older relatives or younger ones who see the world differently?
Barron: The world is moving fast, and language is changing even faster. These are some of the things that make intergeneration relationships difficult at times. One thing that has been helpful for me is to separate the ‘what’ from the ‘how.’ A lot of times we can get on a high-horse of policing language or approach (the ‘how’), but deeper conversations typically reveal the same ‘what.’ When my cousin came out as nonbinary, it took some of my family members a while to get the ‘how’ to understand language. But they all wanted my cousin to be happy— that is the ‘what.’ Around the election, I had some difficult conversations with folks younger than me about my ‘how’ – my support for Kamala Harris and in those conversations, we moved through those conversations and found we have the same ‘what.’ We wanted a safer, freer world. Sometimes we get so hung up on language and semantics, but it is always a good practice to dig a little deeper and find the ‘what.’
Preston: You wrote about the distinction between consequences and punishment. How can we cultivate spaces where people feel safe enough to learn and grow, even while holding them accountable and enforcing reasonable consequences?
Barron: Shame is not an essential element to accountability. If we are creating environments of accountability and growth, there will be consequences for actions, there will be some uncomfortable moments, difficult conversations and of shifting boundaries. But the moment we bring in shame, we have entered punishment territory and should reevaluate.
Preston: Your faith journey has clearly shaped your approach to difficult conversations. How has your spirituality influenced the way you think about accountability, reconciliation, and growth?
Barron: One of the most sacred truths I believe is that if it is true for me, it is true for someone else and if it is true for someone else, it is true for me. We are inextricably tied. I have had so many opportunities in my life to grow and evolve. I have had people in my life lovingly hold me accountable and I have had people in my life try to shame me. I know which one of those I deserve and if that is true for me, then it is true for everyone.
Preston: What do you hope readers will take away from Do You Still Talk to Grandma? not just for their personal relationships, but for addressing the broader societal challenges we face?
Barron: If readers walked away with only one thing from this book, I hope it would be a deep sense of trust in themselves. I believe that deep down, we know when to lean in, we know when we need space and if we all turned down the noise a bit and trusted ourselves more— I believe we would see massive change.
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