You want to be happy, right? Of course. Everyone does.
But what if your idea of “happy” could use some tweaking? What if your “happiness paradigm” underwent some recalibration that enabled you to experience more joy in the otherwise routine moments of your life?
Stephanie Harrison can help. She’s the author of New Happy: Getting Happiness Right in a World That’s Got It Wrong.
Formerly the Director of Learning at Thrive Global, Harrison is the founder of The New Happy, a firm that helps individuals, companies, and communities discover and practice happiness in fresh ways. Each month, her newsletter, podcast, and programs reach millions of people around the globe. Her research-based work has been featured by CNBC, Fast Company, and Harvard Business Review
Harrison explains the primary differences between what she calls Old Happy and New Happy.
“Old Happy is society’s definition of happiness, the culture surrounding it, and the institutions that enforce it,” she says. “It’s shaped by three forces of individualism, capitalism, and domination. New Happy is my proposal for a fresh definition of happiness, one that’s based on ten years of research and hundreds of scientific studies. True happiness comes from discovering who you are and then using your gifts to help other people find happiness.”
Harrison says Old Happy has warped people’s understanding of happiness.
“Old Happy teaches us to believe three lies,” she says. “First, you’re not good enough as you are. Second, you must achieve a set of external goals and societal expectations. Third, you must do everything on your own. We believe that, by fulfilling these values and goals, we will experience happiness; in fact, it’s the opposite. These are pursuits of misery.”
For a lesson on happiness, she points to Ebenezer Scrooge, the protagonist in Charles Dickens’s classic Christmas story.
“Ebenezer Scrooge shows us what it looks like to live both an Old Happy life and a New Happy one,” Harrison says. “At the beginning of the story, Scrooge is known as the most miserable man in his town. He’s obsessed with wealth, he isolates himself from others, and he sneers at the idea of helping people. These behaviors stem from a very deep-seated sense of insecurity and of not being good enough. Then one Christmas he’s visited by a series of ghosts who show him the error of his ways and inspire him to start living in a new way—a New Happy way, in fact. He wakes up and begins identifying how he can help, love, and support others, and as a result, experiences true joy. This is the shift that’s possible for all of us, too.”
Intolerance and incivility seem to be on the rise in our world. Harrison talks about the effect that has on people’s happiness and offers advice on how people can inoculate themselves against the cynicism.
“Cynicism is often a coping mechanism, used when we’ve been hurt and to further protect us from pain,” she says. “It’s a lot easier, when we’re suffering, to lash out and attack others. I think that this stems from a deep unwillingness to sit with our pain and meet it with compassion. In Old Happy culture, you have to be ‘perfect’ in order to prove that you are good enough—and if you’re suffering, it means that you are not perfect. By increasing our sense of self-acceptance, and meeting all of our emotions with kindness and compassion, I believe that it’s possible to overcome this intolerance and incivility.”
Harrison differentiates between intrinsic and extrinsic goals, and explains their effects on people’s happiness.
“Intrinsic goals come from within you and are aligned to your true, authentic self,” she says. “You find joy in the pursuit of these goals, not just at the end. The more that we can consciously choose intrinsic goals, the happier our lives will become. On the other hand, extrinsic goals are those that are imposed from outside of you or are influenced by culture. Not only do these goals detract from your wellbeing, they don’t help you experience happiness when you achieve them.”
What lies do people tell themselves that inhibit their self-fulfillment?
“One lie that people tell themselves is that they don’t have anything special to offer the world,” Harrison says. “That’s absurd. Each of us possesses a set of wonderful and unique gifts that make us who we are. If we don’t believe they’re there, though, it can be hard to identify them. That’s why I advocate that we tell one another whenever we see a gift in action. Point out people’s strengths! You might be giving them a key that unlocks their future happiness. The only reason I do what I do now is because I had people in my life who gave me feedback about my own gifts; I don’t know where I would be without them.”
What role does helping others play in a person’s happiness?
“I’ve come to believe that helping is the secret to happiness. The more that we can use who we are—our unique gifts and talents and strengths—to serve others, the more happiness that we get to create for ourselves and for others. Helping is often seen as a ‘nice-to-have,’ something you’ll do once you’ve fulfilled all of your own needs and gotten all of your desires fulfilled, once you’ve found your own happiness. That’s an attitude that will only delay your happiness.”
Nowadays, we hear a lot about toxic behaviors in the workplace. Harrison explains what leaders can do to help create and maintain a work environment that brings out the best in people and promotes happiness.
“The very best thing that a workplace can do to support employee wellbeing is to create environments that support employees’ authentic selves and give them opportunities to use those selves in service of something greater,” she says. “That might mean, for example, helping an employee to learn a new skill that they’re passionate about, or creating a safe and supportive environment for someone to bring their full self to work. As a leader, connecting an employee’s daily activities to a greater purpose (the clients you serve, the impact you have, and so on) is incredibly motivating. When I work with corporate leaders, I always leave them with one sentence: Make it possible for your people to be themselves and to give of themselves, and you will transform their lives, your company, and the world.”
So, what’s one small thing a person can do to be happier today? Harrison offers a three-word answer: “Go help someone!”