If want more friends—and want greater sense of belonging, you’re in good company. In fact, lots of people are feeling distanced or disconnected, and want to know how to start a friend group.
Friends are critical to your wellbeing and happiness, especially when you have a group of people you can go to, count on and share time with. Fortunately, there are specific strategies you can use to create and sustain a friend group.
Most people are craving more and better connections with others. In fact, 50% of people say they’re lonely and 69% of people wish they had better relationships at work. All of this means you’re wise to be intentional about building a friend group.
Why You Need a Friend Group
There are lots of compelling reasons why you need friends. In fact, having two or three close friends contributes to your physical health in terms of reducing your likelihood of having cancer, dementia, heart disease, depression or anxiety. It even has positive effects on your longevity. All of this is according to research by Holt-Lunstad conducted at Brigham Young University.
And fascinatingly, when your people don’t just know you, but also know each other, you’ll feel the greatest level of support and wellbeing—and this is where friend groups are powerfully positive. Also relevant: Reconnecting with old friends is beneficial to your wellbeing—and they can be part of a friend group as well.
How to Start a Friend Group—And Maintain It
So how do you make friends—and specifically, build a community or a friend group? And how do you maintain one that you already have? It’s not difficult or complex, but it does require intentional effort.
1. Start with Common Interests
To build a friend group, you’ll want to start with a common interest or a reason to gather. You might kick off a book group with coworkers for those who love to read business books—or a make a reading group happen in your personal life for those who love fiction. Or you might initiate a group based on shared interests in motorcycles or genealogy.
The key is to begin with a topic that can unite you and give you an excuse to gather. You probably hear about book groups that spend only a small proportion of their time talking about the book—and larger amounts of their time enjoying dinner or a glass of wine together. Even if you don’t spend tons of time on your selected interest area, it gives you a reason to show up together.
To maintain your group, ensure you always have your topic or area of focus for your next session. Select your next read, or determine a topic of discussion for your upcoming professional women’s meeting.
2. Schedule for Success
One of the main reasons that groups fail is because they can’t find the time to get together—and aren’t able to coordinate their calendars. It’s understandable because everyone is busy.
The key to creating a friend group is to start with just two or three of you who can align your schedules, and then add others to the invitation. As you’re getting the group started, you don’t want to be the only one there—so be sure there are one or two other people who are available and committed to showing up—and then consider everyone else who comes to be a bonus.
Eventually, word will spread about how much people enjoy the group—and you’ll have no problem getting them to come, but in the beginning, a core group will be especially helpful.
Also realize that depending on the size of your group, you may have different people who are able to attend session-to-session. That’s understandable, given people’s busy schedules, and it will just give you an opportunity to have variations on the mix of the group each time. Be sure you invite enough people that you have a good size group who can actually make it. A good rule of thumb is to expect a little more than half of the group to attend each time.
In general, you may choose to have a more carefree, guilt-free vibe where people can come if they’d like. Or you may choose to have a stronger commitment, depending on the nature of the group you want to form.
For example, if you’re forming a group of people who will focus on getting healthy together and you’re hiring a life coach to attend each session, you might ask for an every-other-week commitment for eight weeks. Bottom line: You’ll need to choose the level of commitment you prefer.
Also be sure to keep the schedule as regular as possible. If people know they can count on alternating Tuesdays for your writing group, or the last Friday of the month for your wine-tasting group, it will help them plan ahead—and will be easier for you to schedule as well.
And consider where you’ll meet. If you can meet at a restaurant or someone’s office each time, you’ll relieve the burden of people hosting at their homes. Or you may establish a rotation where each person hosts once per month, so it’s easy to plan ahead and share the responsibility.
To maintain your group, keep things as consistent and predictable as possible, and (of course) adapt and adjust as it becomes necessary.
3. Consider Chemistry and Build Bonds
When you’re inviting people to join your friend group, also consider how everyone will get along. Each group will have its own personality—and you’ll want to be sure there is a fit between people. Strive for overall inclusivity and to have the right balance of differences and similarities between people, so you can enjoy each other’s company and be energized by the time together. And also ensure people can get along.
It may sound mechanical, but you should be sure to do introductions with the group as you’re getting started, and then for the first few meetings, so people can be reminded of others’ names. Also re-do introductions anytime you have a new person join.
Friend groups also work well when people build relationships outside of the group. If you feel a connection with someone, invite them for coffee outside the group. Or offer extra support to the member who is having surgery and needs an encouraging text or a care package.
Groups thrive when they have strong bonds together, and also when members develop relationships one-on-one as well.
To maintain your group, commit to attending and investing time in getting to know people outside the group as well.
4. Keep it Simple
Another key to success is to keep things simple.
For example, if you have a book group, you can use the same set of discussion questions each time, or if you have a men’s career group, you can establish a list of topics at the beginning of the year and rotate through who will lead each topic. If you have a charity investment club, you can plan to always meet at the same place and have people show up once per quarter with a check and a recommended local charity—and decide together on where you’ll put your dollars.
You’ll also want to consider whether you’ll want to establish ground rules. Some groups don’t need them. For example, if you’re establishing an informal group that gets together for smoothies after yoga each week, you probably don’t. But if you’re establishing a group who will share struggles or challenges, you might want to remind people that confidentiality will be important. You don’t have to be heavy-handed, but you will want to set enough expectations that people will feel safe to share openly.
To maintain the group, keep things as complex as necessary, but as simple as possible, depending on the nature and focus of the group.
5. Lead the Way
Every group that works tends to have someone who takes the lead—even in an informal way.
The leadership isn’t glamorous and it’s often largely about administrative tasks—managing the voting process for the next discussion topic, sending the invitation for the next meeting or texting people with the monthly reminder of the date and time for the session. While they are relatively simple, these activities can make or break the group’s success.
To maintain the group, be sure you have someone (perhaps yourself) who will step into the role of managing or leading the way.
Succeed with Creating Your Friend Group
So, how to start a friend group? Just begin. Your plans don’t have to be perfect or completely figured out ahead of time. Start with a kernel of an idea and then build from there. Pay attention to what works and make adjustments along the way.
When you start a friend group, you’ll bond with the group as you build, improve and evolve together—and you’ll contribute to your own happiness and theirs as well.