How many times have you resolved to improve your habits and set career goals? Or how often have you promised to eat healthier, lose weight or exercise more in the New Year? Then a month down the road, your vows are distant memories. The words we use to set goals shape our attitudes, feelings and motivation. They can either foster or reduce our motivation. Research shows that “want-to” versus “have-to” motivation boosts intrinsic drive, making it more likely you will follow through and reach your goals.
‘Want-To’ Versus ‘Have-To’ Motivation
The reason want-to goals are easier to achieve lies in the power of intrinsic motivation. When you set goals that genuinely fit with your values and interests—”want-to” versus “have-to” motivation—you’re more likely to reach them. A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology shows that when you pursue goals that align with your personal values and interests, you’re more likely to make progress and achieve your objectives. You’re also more likely to put greater sustained effort into achieving them, to attain them and reap greater well-being benefits once you do attain them.
Notice the difference between “I should have been more welcoming to the new team member” versus “I could have been more welcoming to the new team member.” The first sentence conveys blame and self-judgment; the second conveys freedom of choice. Science shows that want-to versus have-to motivation leads to more successful goal attainment with fewer obstacles in the way, making it more likely that you will stick to your goals for 2025 because it amplifies your freedom to choose.
Want-to’s are internally motivating when a goal has personal meaning to us. An example might be “I really want a job as a supervisor.” Have-to’s are externally motivating when someone else demands that we accomplish a goal or our own “should” or “must” voice requires us to do so. An example might be “I have to please my boss to get the promotion.”
When we pursue a goal with want-to motivation, we tend to have fewer obstacles and an easier time reaching our goals. In contrast, when we pursue a goal for have-to reasons, we tend to have more obstacles and struggle to reach our goals.
Strategies For ‘Want-To’ Versus ‘Have-To’ Motivation
- Target something you want-to do. If that’s not possible and it’s something you have-to do at work, find one thing about the task that is personally meaningful and motivating. Then ask if your self-talk opposes or supports the goals you set. Replace mandatory statements with empowering words to enhance the chances that you will stick to a New Year’s resolution or accomplish your career goals. Mere word substitution can re-frame a dreaded work situation. When you replace mandatory statements such as “I should” or “I must” with empowering words such as “I could” “I get to,” “I want to” or “I choose to,” it puts you in charge instead of at the mercy of challenges, making it more likely that you will follow through.
- Avoid overuse of oppressive words. The self-talk you use makes a difference in your motivational level in the New Year. Oppressive self-talk—such as should, must, need-to and have-to—triggers oppositional feelings and reduces goal motivation, driving our actions accordingly. When you oppose yourself, you might not realize it but you’re scolding yourself with shame-based messages. “You should have gone to the office party” or “You must be a better employee.” Psychologist Clayton Barbeau called these shame-based messages “shoulding yourself.” And the late psychologist Albert Ellis coined the term “Musterbation” to describe when we bow to the mind’s oppressive mandates or put those pressures on others.
- Replace self-judgment with self-compassion. A large body of research shows that the more self-compassion and self-encouragement we bring to a task, the greater our emotional arsenals and chances of success. Pep talks, affirmations or an arm around your shoulder are good medicine for sticking to your New Year’s resolutions. Studies also show that when you self-soothe through the inevitable setbacks—instead of attacking yourself—you are more motivated to get back in the saddle, stick to your goals and scale the challenges.
- Make micro-adjustments. It’s possible to change long-held habits by simply associating them with a positive experience. To change hard habits, sometimes all you need is a perspective shift. For example, you remind yourself that you get to spend time with your loved ones (spouse or partner and maybe the kids) but only if you choose to leave the laptop and stack of files you brought home in the trunk of your car instead of piling them on the kitchen table. Another example of a micro-adjustment is to alter your self-talk, as I mentioned earlier, by simply changing one word: You don’t “have to.” You “get to.” You get to go to a well-paying job. You get to manage your work remotely. You get to cook dinner for your family. The microadjustment of changing one word, shifts your perspective from a burden to an opportunity, from a problem to an adventure.
- Follow an If-then plan. Another baked-in motivational strategy, known as the if-then plan, inoculates you from the proverbial “what-the-hell-attitude” and from giving up before reaching your goal. Research shows that having an action plan for what you intend to do before you encounter a situation can triple the chances of accomplishing your goals. One study found that 91% of people who used the if-then plan stuck to their plan, compared to 39% of those who didn’t use the formula: If X happens (the event), then I’ll do Y (my action). Let’s say you’re trying to avoid procrastination on a job task. Your plan to be more timely goes from a vague, “I will stop procrastinating,” to applying “If X happens, then I’ll do Y.” The X is the situation and Y is the action you take when X occurs. Plugging your idle vow to stop procrastinating into a specific action plan might look like this: “When I have an important project due, I will finish it a day before the deadline to create a cushion to account for unexpected interruptions.”
A Final Wrap: ‘Want-To’ Versus ‘Have-To’ Motivation
Next time you make a New Year’s resolution or set a career goal, don’t let your thoughts run roughshod over you plans. Progress isn’t linear. Setbacks are baked-in the process of moving forward. If you have a setback when you’re trying to break a habit or reach a goal, be mindful of whether your self-talk is compassionate or oppressive and become aware of what it requires of you.
If “Musturbation” is blasting you, choose more supportive, comforting words such as “I can”; “I want to;” “I plan to;” or “I choose to.” Once you realize you don’t have to live up to the oppressive voice’s demands, you can take a breath, step back and chill. By intentionally bringing “want-to” versus “have-to” motivation to your career goals and work challenges, you sidestep failure and are more successful in achieving your goals and a sense of well-being.