For best-selling author and happiness expert Arthur Brooks, empathy is overrated. Rather than simply putting ourselves in someone else’s shoes and assuming their burdens, he says, we should actively work to alleviate those struggles — turning empathy into compassion.
“Instead of striving to be more empathetic, we should all try to build on empathy to cultivate its superior cousin: compassion,” Brooks writes. It starts with attempting to understand what someone is going through, tolerating any uncomfortable feelings that may elicit, and finally working to resolve the source of the problem.
There are lessons for leaders here. While compassionate leadership may seem like a pipe dream when political leadership seems so punitive and polarizing, managers and leaders showing compassion at work may be an antidote to these fractious times. Compassionate leadership is one way to create a culture of belonging at work, an atmosphere in which everyone feels valued and engaged.
Here are four keys to practicing compassionate leadership with other people and when leading groups.
1. Attending
It starts by noticing how the other person is doing; how the dynamics in the team might favor some and exclude others; how some organizational practices and policies might lead to certain patterns of behavior.
- Are you aware of the power dynamics in your organization?
- Do you listen to others, tuning in not just to the facts of what they’re saying but to the feelings they’re conveying and the values underpinning those feelings?
- Once aware, how can you break old patterns of interaction and/or introduce new ones that create a greater sense of belonging? Which aspects of your organizational context might need to change in order to honor people’s values?
- Are you listening to every single employee — not just to the ones who always speak up but to the ones who don’t? And why don’t they? How might you be contributing to them not having a voice? What can you do to change that?
2. Understanding
Leadership isn’t only rational influencing. We lead human beings, and at the core of the human brain is the heart. Feelings need to be factored into leadership.
Think back to a situation where you felt you didn’t belong or weren’t respected. It takes a while to get over those feelings of frustration, anger, sadness or depression and get to a place where you can begin to have a constructive dialogue about it, because the brain clings on to threats.
Leaders need to help people move into those dialogues. In the animal kingdom, the alpha leader is not the aggressive one but the one who is the protector and the peacekeeper so that the rest of the pack feels safe.
How can we create those safe spaces? How do we arrive at shared understandings? Understanding the situation from both sides fosters connectedness and builds a common basis for implementing solutions.
3. Empathizing
Empathy is about feeling how it is for the other person without getting overwhelmed by all their feelings. Each person should leave the encounter knowing that “I, as a human being, am respected in my uniqueness, and my feelings and values have been seen and heard.” That, in itself, can be a form of empowerment.
Sometimes a hug can be incredibly powerful, too. Of course, it’s context-and-culture dependent and must be appropriate. But it’s a very human way of saying, “I care and I’m here for you.”
4. Helping
Finally, we must take concrete action, which can take many forms:
- Remove practical barriers. If you’re in a position of power, are there any practical barriers you can remove? Having someone work fewer night shifts? Paying for modifications to a company car for someone who is disabled?
- Create visibility. Leaders can give recognition and empower an oppressed group without revealing an element of their identity they don’t feel comfortable disclosing. Yet you can still visibly support them.
- Call out obstructive behavior. Behavior that hurts or disrespects people because they belong to certain groups needs to be called out. And leaders must have the courage to do so.
- Raise accountability. Leaders can hold other people accountable for stopping unacceptable behavior and reinforcing desired behaviors across the organization in a purposeful way.
- Change organizational structures. In teams, you can orchestrate who works with whom. You can include new people, widening access to information and networks. You can open up professional networking events more widely, particularly to absent groups. And don’t assume people are absent voluntarily — there may be forces that make them feel excluded and which need to be addressed.
- Reach out intentionally. Who else could belong in your team, your organization, your professional network? What type of person are they? What age group? Which voices are missing? It’s noticing what’s absent — and then actually including them that makes the difference.
Excerpted, in part, from the IESE Business School Insight report Beyond Diversity: Fostering a Community of Care with Dignity, Diversity & Belonging.