Jody enjoyed her job. Her work was engaging, her colleagues were great, and the pay was good. But, Jody had a tendency to get emotionally overinvested, which began to skew her judgment and affect her personal well-being.
One Friday, her boss called an unexpected meeting about a late project. Although many factors for the delay were out of Jody’s hands, she felt it was entirely up to her to fix it. She ended up working the entire weekend, missing out on sleep and family time.
This is something many high-achievers might find familiar. Being emotionally invested in work can be both beneficial and harmful. It drives you to excel and find fulfillment in your achievements. But, getting too wrapped up emotionally can be exhausting and burdensome.
In today’s world, where work and personal life often overlap, especially with remote work, our jobs increasingly define who we are. It’s generally fine to be dedicated to your job, but it becomes a problem when your work dictates your emotions and actions.
To figure out if you’re too emotionally invested in your job, watch out for these signs:
You take criticism personally.
If you find yourself getting upset or feeling down for days – or weeks – after receiving negative feedback, you might be taking criticism too personally.
Have you ever felt angry or insecure after a critical comment from your boss? Maybe a single piece of feedback can bother you for days, or you start avoiding situations where you could be judged. When someone criticizes your work, it might feel like they’re confirming your deepest insecurities of not being good enough.
Before letting these feelings take over, try to distinguish between criticism of your work and criticism of you as a person. Here’s a simple exercise to help you process feedback more objectively: Take a sheet of paper and divide it into four columns. In the first column, write down exactly what was said. In the next column, jot down what you think is wrong with the feedback, like any inaccuracies or oversights. In the third column, think about what parts of the feedback could be helpful. Is there something in there that could improve how you work or your skills? Finally, decide on your next steps. This might be setting up a meeting to discuss the feedback further, making a necessary change, or just letting it go and moving on with your day.
You struggle to shut off your brain after work.
If work is constantly on your mind, even during your personal time, it’s a sign of emotional over-investment. You might find yourself working extra hours just to feel good about yourself, trying to prove your value by doing more. This mindset can prevent you from taking breaks when you need them. It’s hard to switch off after work hours, and you might find your job creeping into your personal life.
Remember, being always “on” doesn’t show your dedication; it actually hinders your success. Start seeing downtime as essential for your performance, not just a reward. To help separate work from personal time, try these strategies:
– Set an alarm to remind you when it’s time to finish up for the day.
– Completely turn off your work devices to resist the urge to check back in.
– Write down your tasks for the next day or establish another routine that helps you transition from work to relaxation.
You fall into patterns of people-pleasing.
Being a people-pleaser means you often prioritize others’ needs over your own. Like Jody, you might feel compelled to be the one who always solves problems and rescues situations. This trait can also show up as taking on others’ emotions, changing your views to avoid conflict, or not asking for help because you fear it makes you look weak or incompetent.
You might think you’re being generous and helpful by always agreeing, but it’s not good if it’s harming your mental health or affecting your relationships negatively. Stretching yourself too thin isn’t healthy and prevents your colleagues from stepping up and being responsible.
The first step to changing this is self-awareness. Notice when you’re taking on more work or responsibility than you should in a project or relationship. Pay special attention to situations where you feel particularly resentful. This might mean feeling overworked, underappreciated, or not acknowledged for your efforts. Resentment is a strong sign that you’re ignoring your own needs, and it can point you to specific areas that need your attention.
Work is your entire identity.
If your entire identity revolves around your job title, that’s a risky position to be in. Losing your job would mean losing your sense of self-worth. This is an example of low self-complexity, where your identity is tied too closely to just one aspect of your life. This often leads to stronger emotional reactions and less resilience to stress.
Creating some psychological distance from your work can greatly improve your well-being. This isn’t about disengaging or “quiet quitting,” but about separating who you are from what you do. Ask yourself, “Apart from being a leader or manager, who am I to my loved ones?” Pick up hobbies or activities outside of work to build skills and interests that aren’t related to your job. For instance, one of my clients started flower arranging to express creativity after burnout. Another delved into space physics, and another started volunteering at an animal shelter. These activities helped them build identities that aren’t solely dependent on their work success.
Remember, your job is just a part of what you do; it doesn’t define your entire identity.