Saying no is difficult for many, particularly in professional environments. Some hardworking and high-achieving professionals, especially early in their careers, feel that declining requests or projects will jeopardize future considerations for them. Some may need to improve the delivery of the message, which can inadvertently come across as difficult. Some may lack the negotiation skills to refine the ask to fit their schedules or boundaries, instead turning down the request altogether.
When done selectively, saying no can signal your ability to prioritize, consider long-term outcomes, and recognize your limits and capabilities. When done tactfully, saying no can strengthen relationships by opening up conversations around boundaries and values and even enhance the initial project plan when the two parties work towards finding an acceptable path together. Of course, if the request is egregiously against your values or priorities, a simple no and a brief rationale are sufficient. Otherwise, here are three ways to reframe “no” for a better outcome.
Refine the ask
The requester may not have provided full context about the project or described the request with enough detail for you to understand its priority, scope, and urgency. Assumptions about the request might lead you to miss an opportunity you would have otherwise pursued. Before you decline the request right away, consider asking clarifying questions such as: “Can you” help me understand how this fits into the broader project?” or “Could you tell me what flexibility there is in the timeline?” or ” “How will this work be used to make the decision?”
If, based on their additional answers, you still prefer to decline, provide an informed response like, “It seems the timing is not as urgent as a couple of other priorities I’m handling right now. I can get back to you once those are completed.” Alternatively, additional information can enable you to suggest other solutions; “based on the decision you’re looking to make, I think I have an off-the-shelf analysis that would meet your needs.”
This approach demonstrates that you have thoughtfully considered their proposal, which may improve how they approach you and make you seen as a collaborator even when you decline. Regardless, be cautious to avoid coming across as overly transactional; consistently accepting only high-visibility or non-urgent projects can lead to an unwanted reputation.
Negotiate the ask
If you’re considering participating in a project but wish the specifications were different, now is the time to negotiate before you accept or decline. Many people are open to some assistance rather than none, so this is an opportunity to communicate any workload concerns or boundaries you may have clearly. For example, you might say, “If you can ask the finance department to pull this data” sooner, I can complete the analysis within the timeframe,” or “If you can help me recruit an additional associate, I can provide the expert oversight,” or “If we can set the expectation that we will propose a draft rather than a final answer by that date, I can meet that deadline.”
The requester may not have the level of expertise or experience you do to see other potential solutions. By outlining feasible adjustments that they can accommodate before they “earn” your contribution, you can also leverage the “Ben Franklin Effect” (the psychological phenomenon that people tend to like you more after they’ve done you a favor).
Leverage the ask
Sometimes, you may feel inclined to reject a request because you lack the expertise to fulfill it. However, this could be an excellent opportunity to evaluate whether similar requests might arise. You can use this request to approach your manager about skill development opportunities, such as certification classes or apprenticeships.
If your challenge is gaining experience, be honest about your current capabilities. Let them know that while you have relevant skill sets, this is the first time you have completed this specific task, and it may take longer than the expected timeline.
If the request is of higher priority, visibility, or business criticality, consider discussing your current tasks with your manager. You might explore options for transferring some of your existing projects, allowing you to demonstrate your ability to train and manage others.
Even if you decline the request, this conversation can serve as a platform to highlight the demand for your skills and express your interest in taking on more appealing projects in the future.