‘Tis the season to be jolly! Holidays are supposed to be fun and for many people sacred. But they often turn into stressful, hectic and sad instead of joyous times. The American Psychiatric Association reports that two in five Americans say their mood worsens in winter; 29% say “Falling Back” hurts their mental health. There are steps you can take for navigating holiday grief and stress.
Navigating Holiday Grief
Rebecca Feinglos, founder of Grieve Leave and certified grief support specialist, says that navigating grief during the holidays can feel like navigating an emotional minefield. One minute you’re okay, the next you’re tearing up over a familiar ornament or your loved one’s favorite holiday song. Feinglos shared with me her top tips that she calls her “Holiday Grief Survival Guide.”
- Ditch the perfectionism. “Embrace the messy moments. (Your decorations don’t need to look Pinterest-worthy, and store-bought cookies taste just fine).”
- You can say no thank you. “It’s okay to skip holiday events or excuse yourself from interactions that don’t feel right. Protecting your emotional energy is self-care, not selfishness.”
- Create flexible plans. “Be open to change. It’s okay if today’s plan doesn’t work for tomorrow.”
- Brace yourself for a roller coaster. “You might laugh, cry or both in the span of five minutes. That’s normal. Give yourself permission to feel it all.”
- Get creative with remembrance. “Find meaningful ways to include your loved one’s memory in your celebrations. Maybe it’s making their famous recipe or watching their favorite holiday movie.”
- Take breaks when you need them. “Overwhelmed at a holiday gathering? It’s okay to step away, even if that means hiding in the bathroom for a few minutes.”
- Let your grief show. “You don’t have to put on a happy face for others. What if you (and others) allowed your grief to be part of the holiday experience?”
- Create new traditions. “If your old holiday routines feel painful, it’s okay to mix things up. Create new traditions and skip the ones that don’t serve you anymore.”
- No need to explain your grief. “You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your feelings. If someone doesn’t get it, that’s on them to get curious, not you to own the burden of translating for them.”
- Go easy on yourself. “There’s no ‘right’ way to do grief, especially during the holidays. You’re doing the best you can, and that’s enough.”
Navigating Holiday Stress
Being “always on” also increases stress and compromises our productivity and mental and physical well-being. The toll is cumulative and far reaching and often leads to burnout. During the holiday season, piling on tasks feeds the fire of burnout and heightens the flames of stress unless we intentionally practice mindful productivity.
Between shopping for gifts, attending parties and planning family activities, plus an uncertain economic future that is casting a cloud over the holidays, chances are you have little time to relax and enjoy this special time.
It’s important to stop and ask how often you miss the joy because of the stress you unwittingly create for yourself. By rethinking what the holidays mean to you and taking a few minutes each day to pamper yourself, the stress of the holidays can melt away. Here are some tips to warm the chill in the air, help you find “me time” and stay true to the meaning of the season.
- Do it your way. Don’t let the seduction of the holiday season cause you to relinquish your personal power. Avoid the hustle, materialism and commercialization, instead of letting it sweep you off your feet or contaminate the true meaning and enjoyment you get this time of year. You don’t have to get caught up in the “There’s only X shopping days ‘til Christmas” syndrome. Celebrate the season in a way that’s meaningful to you—the kind of holiday you want, not the kind merchandisers want you to have.
- Keep it simple. Tradition is part of the holiday season, but just because you’ve always done things a certain way—to excess and in a hurry—doesn’t mean you can’t adapt it to the new normal. This requirement can throw you into a frenzied whirlwind that includes shopping, baking and planning parties—all on top of an already packed everyday schedule. Break or downsize old habits. Take the emphasis off grand gestures and indulge yourself in simple acts of pleasure. Retain the real meaning the beliefs have for you and your loved ones and celebrate the season in a safe and joyous way. When you’re already maxed out, don’t make yourself feel like you must go to every party or buy everyone a gift.
- Be an angel to yourself. If you’re the reliable office workhorse who assumes the responsibilities of coworkers, it’s time to put yourself at the top of your holiday gift list and be the best version of you. Self-love prepares you to have more compassion and give more to others. When you put yourself first, there’s more of you to go around.
- Sustain your exercise regimen. Short walks or Microchiller meditations (three to five minutes) can help you unwind and clear your head. By taking a few moments to relax each day, stress won’t seem as overwhelming, tasks will be more manageable and you and your loved ones can enjoy the true meaning of the holidays not the holidaze.
- Find intentional moments. If you’ve been endlessly shopping in the crush of crowds, the last thing you want at the end of a long day is more noise and chaos. When loved ones have gone to bed, indulge in a moment in front of the holiday decorations. Reflect on what the season means to you. Create a cozy, private spot where you can relax undisturbed and reflect on the season. Meditate on soothing holiday music, burn scented candles or browse through greeting cards and photos of holidays past.
- Give yourself “holiday cushions” (extra time). Cushion your workday with extra time between appointments to soften stress blows. Know where to draw the line so you’re not constantly rushing and you can enjoy the festivities. If you’re feeling pressure from friends or family to get together, buy more gifts or cook more food, be able to say no to stressful demands and make a conscious effort to slow down and take breaks during activities.
- Get ahead of job stress and burnout. Make sure you realize you’ve hit your breaking point long before stress-warning signs set in. Avoid putting yourself under unrealistic deadlines. Spread job tasks over reasonable time frames. Try leaving for your workstation (even if you’re working remotely) 10 or 15 minutes earlier so you won’t start your day in a hurry. Ease into your workday instead of catapulting into it. Unplug at the end of the day and set boundaries to protect your personal and private time.
As you’re navigating holiday grief and stress, it’s important to balance your time between staying active and having restorative rest. Don’t risk your health or forfeit your self-care routines. You need them during the holidays more than ever. A walk or jog around the block combined with five minutes of meditation both give you a biochemical boost. Activity raises endorphins. Quieting your mind stimulates the part of your brain that dampens the surges of adrenaline and cortisol accompanying stress. This balance will enable you to feel it before you say, “Happy Holidays.”